Things to do in DUNNES STORES!!!!!!!
Things to do in Dunnes stores

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys
when they aren't looking.

02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals

03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies
toilet.

04. Walk up to an employee and tell him?her in an official tone:
Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.

05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.

06. Move a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you
are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the
bedding Department.

08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask:
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

09. Look right into the security
camera, use it as a mirror and pick
your nose.

10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if
he
knows where the anti-depressants are located.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme
from Mission Impossible.

12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse
through,
say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and
assume the foetal position and scream "NO! ........It's those voices
again!!!"

And last but not least:

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell
loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here."

25 reasons GAA is better than Soccer

1) The GAA player who played in front of 80,000 at the weekend will be teaching your children, selling you meat or fixing your drains on Monday morning. The soccer player who plays in front of 80,000 will be moaning about playing too many games and will be trying to sell you his personalised brand of leisure wear

2) GAA nicknames are better (The Bull, The Bomber, etc.) . Soccer players just add a Y to their surnames

3) Dublin vs Meath is a real derby. What does Utd. Vs City mean to Ronaldo or Sibierski

4) How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer eleven. One to stick it in and ten to surround and kiss him after he does it

5) Soccer players go to the papers after a game. GAA players go to the pub

6) John Terry would run a mile if he came up against Francie Bellew

7) GAA teams are numbered 1-15. A soccer team reads like the lottery results

All soccer players wear shin pads. Some hurlers wear helmets

9) Television runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA

10) The GAA is about where you're from. Soccer is about who you like

11) No segregation at GAA games

12) No soccer team has a nickname quite as lovely as the Fighting Cocks of Carlow

13) Bubble perms never made it to Croke Park

14) A scoreless draw in the GAA would be quite a novelty

15) The GAA may not appreciate its women as much as it should but at least we all know who Cora Stanunton is. The most famous woman in English soccer is Posh Spice

16) Under age players get to be part of the biggest days in hurling and football at half-time in the All-Ireland.

17) Micheal O'Murchearaigh.

1 If a GAA player ever jumped at a spectator like Eric Cantona did the rest of his team would join in. So would the rest of the crowd.

19)Vinnie Jones grabbed Gascoignes testicles. Paudie O'Se decked Joe McNally during the National Anthem. McNally learnt his lesson. Gascoigne just got worse.

20) The GAA season always leaves you wanting more. The soccer season leaves soccer people demanding less. "Fewer games please"

21) Old soccer players get testimonials, Old GAA players just slip down to junior.

22) Rural villages = A Church, A Post-office, a Pub and a GAA pitch.

23) Pints after the match with the lad you knocked seven lumps of shite out of in the game.

24)Croke park on a Summer's Day.

25)Roman Abramovich can buy the League. You can't buy Sam!!

That's not right................. Sum Ting Wong

2.) Are you harbouring a fugitive?............ Hu Yu Hai Ding?

3.) See me asap................. Kum Hia Nao

4.) Stupid man.................. Dum Fuk

5.) Small horse................. Tai Ni Po Ni

6.) Did you go to the beach?.............. Wai Yu So Tan?

7.) I bumped into a coffee table.......... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8.) I think you need a face lift.......... Chin Tu Fat

9.) It's very dark in here................ Wai so dim?

10.) I thought you were on a diet.......... Wai yu Mun Chin?

11.) this is a toe away zone............... No Pah King

12.) Our meeting is scheduled for next week....... Wai Yu Kum Nao?

13.) Staying out of sight.................. Lei Ying Lo

14.) He's cleaning his automobile................. Wa Shin Ka

15.) You have B.O....................... Yu Stin Ki Pu

16.) Great!............................
. Fa Kin Su Pa