Dear Technical Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Sky Sports 5.0 and At the Races 3.0.

Now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed,
DESPERATE

Reply:

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

Remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally
recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck,
TECHNICAL SUPPORT

Made me Laugh!.......

Slan,

Darren

Just so you know where you stand

I don't no if people really read these blogs but here is anyway!!!


I was out for dinner with a very good friend a couple of weeks ago and I asked her a question…How come it takes so long for a woman to go to the loo?….you can imagine what that started...Now apart from the obvious answer's that I got back like its easier for you men kind of stuff I also received this email today….


When you need to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women waiting,
you smile politely and take your place in the line, it finally gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied.
But eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't lock. It doesn't matter, the wait has
been so long and you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook if there were one, but there isn't so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, yank down your pants and assume 'the position'.

In this position your ageing, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You would love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'the position'. To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment you reach for the
toilet paper dispenser and your worst nightmare it's empty, the toilet roll dispenser is empty. You hover looking around in the hope there's a new roll behind you no such luck. Your thighs start to shake more. Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday the one that's still in your handbag, which is now burning your neck &
shoulders with the weight. So you contort your arm into a very unnatural position and start to fumble around in the deep dark depths of your handbag for that small crumpled used tissue no bigger than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door cubicle door and because the latch doesn't work the door hits your head, which is bent forward from you holding your bag around your neck while you are rummaging for that used tissue, the door takes you by surprise and you start to lose your balance and topple backwards. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach to push the door shut and drop the precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just managed to retrieve with your index finger into an 'unknown' puddle on the floor.
If that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether, or just give up and... Sit down ... directly onto the TOILET SEAT. Yes - it's wet! You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your thighs and bottom have made contact with every imaginable germ & life
form that lives on the uncovered seat.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of cold water like a fire hose into the bowl which causes a spray of fine mist that completely covers your bum and runs downs your legs along with all the various life forms and down into your dishevelled pants which have now dropped to your ankles with your hems soaking up that puddle from the floor. The flush seems to suck everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point you give up. The spewing water and the wet toilet seat soaks you. You're exhausted. You try to wipe your self with a piece of gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You cannot figure out how to operate the tap, so run your hands underneath it grateful for the two drops of water there and around the basin itself. You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting, where of course there are no paper towels so you more onto the hand blower,
which yes you've guessed it that doesn't work either! You're no longer able to smile politely to the