In another weekly feat of total idleness, I slept for ages today. I enjoyed it, since I didn't have to endure the woe that is Business Studies followed by the bore that is Psychology. Instead I got to enjoy the company of my bed, what wonderful company it is. However. Whilst I was laying in said bed, I got to thinking, will my feelings for 'her' ever cease. Deep within me, I know they won't, the problem is I have feelings of this magnitude before for anyone, she consumes me. Every waking moment of my life she rules my thoughts, I think of what could, and perhaps should have been. But it never was. The problem with it is, when she gave me a taste of what it was like to be with her, she made me feel the happiness I had ever been, and if people know me, I used to be a really misserable bastard. Seriously. Anyway, this happiness was like a drug, the minute it entered my system I needed, desired, and craved more. But then it was snatched from me, I spiralled into a severe state of depression, I didn't want to wake up in the morning, I felt inadequate. Like I had somehow fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me, but I didn't know how. Before when I had made mistakes, I knew it, I knew what I had done, and how to correct it. But this time, it was all different. I think the worst part was having to hold back all my emotion for the coming days, few people saw how I felt, few people saw me break down in tears that just wouldn't stop. It was the lowest I had ever been.

Anyway, back to my original thought. If I think about it, using my sense, I know I should move on. It's become apparent to me that she'll never want to be with me again, the reason for this I still do not know, despite the talks that i've had with her to find the route of the problem that caused the downful of my joy. All she ever says is that it's because we were such good friends. Do I beleive this? In part I do, as I too found it a strange concept, never could I have considered someone of her beauty going for someone such as myself, I don't even think anyone could have thought it would happen. Despite most of her friends and mine saying we'd be perfect together. In the end, we simply weren't. Before I get off topic again, i'll get to the point. My brain says I should stop, but my heart, and I suppose my very soul, won't let go. I need her. I would give up everything else I posess, just for her. She is the very thing that makes me want to live, to breathe, she was the reason I managed to get through the whole situation. Despite I suppose, being the very cause of it. So my question was answered, I know I will never get over her. The problem is, what the fuck do I do about it? I'm gonna have to think really long about this. Maybe when I have another lazy day next week, i'll find the answer. Until then, who knows.