1. A cobra bit John Smeaton's leg.After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died

2. John Smeaton does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge John Smeaton

3. John Smeaton can strangle you with a cordless phone

4. Superman wears John Smeaton Pyjamas!

5. John Smeaton isn't afraid of the dark........the dark is afraid of John Smeaton

6. Smeaton doesn't read books.. He just stares at it until he gets the information he wants.

7. Death once had a near-John Smeaton experience

8. John Smeaton never re-treats, he just attacks in the opposite direction

9. John Smeaton won a game of connect 4 in two moves

10. John Smeaton went into Burger King and asked for a Big Mac... He got one

11. We don't care if our girlfriend thinks about Smeaton during sex.... We do too!

12. When John Smeaton has sex with a man it isn't beause he is gay, it is because he has ran out of women!

13. John Smeaton masturbates over a picture of John Smeaton only!

14. John Smeaton lost his virginity before his Dad did!

15. Smeaton does not sleep...He only waits.

16. John Smeaton is not hung like a horse...Horses are hung like John Smeaton!

17. When Smeaton jumps into a river he does not get wet.... The water gets "Smeatoned".

18. Did u know that Smeaton was the Fourth Wiseman!

19. John Smeaton recently had the idea to sell his urine as a beveridge... This is known as Red Bull !

20.If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: John Smeaton!

21. On the 7th day, God rested.... John Smeaton took over.

22. If you want a list of John Smeaton's enemies. Just look in the extincted species list.

23. John Smeaton has never blinked in his entire life... Never

24. John Smeaton owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1993 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

25. John Smeaton does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

26. John Smeaton is Luke Skywalker's real father.

27.John Smeaton actually died 5 years ago... but death was to scared to tell him.

28. The boogey man checks under his bed for John smeaton at night.

29. Did you know that John Smeaton's tears can cure cancer?....Shame he never cries.

30. John Smeaton has counted to infinity...twice

31. Guns don't kill people. Smeaton does

32. The leading causes of death in the Uk are: 1.Heart Disease 2. John Smeaton 3. Cancer

33. John Smeaton is the reason that Wally is hiding.

34. John Smeaton doesn't wear a watch.. HE decides what time it is.

35. John Smeaton gave Mona Lisa that smile ... =)

36. John Smeaton can slam a revolving door!

37. John smeaton does not get frost bite... John Smeaton bites frost!

38. John Smeaton once ate a whole cake before his freinds could tell him there was a stripper in it!

39. When John Smeaton was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he flykicked the place so hard it became Burger king.

40. John Smeaton can divide by zero.

41. John Smeaton grinds the coffee with his teeht and then boils the water with his own rage!

42. If you Google search "John Smeaton getting his arse kicked" you will get zero results. It just doesn't happen.

43. It takes John smeaton 20 minutes to watch for 60 minutes.

44. John Smeaton once swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills....He blinked.

45. Superman was watching the news one night when a video showing john Smeaton killing a terrorist started showing.... He cried himself to sleep that night.

46. John smeaton can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.. at night.

47. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is John Smeaton.

48. John Smeaton CAN believe its not butter.

49. John Smeaton CAN touch

1. Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you hav a crush on me?
5. Would u kiss me?
6. would u **** me?
7. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10. Do u still think the same?
11. What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?
18. R u gona put this on ur blog and c wat i say bout u?
19. Anything 2 say b4 u go?

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.


12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.