23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders

Cat's urine glows under a black light.

If you keep your eyes open by force, eventualy they will pop out.


If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?


In the weightlessness of space a frozen pea will explode if it comes in contact with Pepsi.

Male rhesus monkeys often hang from tree branches by their amazing prehensile penises

SCUBA divers cant fart at depths of 33 feet or below

The skin needed for elbow transplants must be taken from the scrotum of a cadaver

The typewriter was invented by Hungarian immigrant Qwert Yuiop, who left his "signature" on the keyboard.

Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water.

Urine from male cape water buffaloes is so flammable that some tribes use it for lantern fuel.

Due to the angle at which the optic nerve enters the brain, staring at a blue surface during sex greatly increases the intensity of orgasms.

Never hold your nose and cover your mouth when sneezing, as it can blow out your eyeballs

Coca-Cola was the favored drink of Pharaoh Ramses. An inscription found in his tomb, when translated, was found to be almost identical to the recipe used today.

When immersed in liquid, a dead sparrow will make a sound like a crying baby.

Although difficult, it's possible to start a fire by rapidly rubbing together two Doritos.


The Venezuelan brown bat can detect and dodge individual raindrops in mid-flight, arriving safely back at his cave completely dry.


The "nine lives" attributed to cats is probably due to their having nine primary whiskers.

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be....................

1. a friend
2 a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring Alcohol

David Beckham, when not playing football that day, decides to go horse riding.

Although he has no previous experience, he skillfully mounts the horse and appears in complete control as the horse gallops along at a steady pace.

Victoria watches him admiringly.

After a while, David becomes a little too casual and begins to lose his grip in the saddle. He panics and grabs the horse round it's neck and calls for it to stop.

Victoria screams and shouts for someone to help.

David slips completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground because he is still clutching the horse's neck.

David decides his best chance is to leap away, but his foot becomes entangled in the stirrup!

David's head is now banging along the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is frantic and screaming!

Hearing her screams, one of the Supermarket Security Guards comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.