• Some say that he is a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese...

• Some say he knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong...

• Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves...

• Some say he’s wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat...

• Some say he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue...

• Some say he is illegal in 17 US states, and he blinks horizontally...

• Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he’s scared of bells...

• Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all his legs are hydraulic...

• Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals...

• Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he’s confused by stairs...

• Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees...

• Some say that he’s terrified of ducks, and that there’s an airport in Russia named after him...

• Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world if you tune your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts...

• Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his earwax tastes like Turkish Delight...

• Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground...

• Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for a thousand days...

• Some say he can swim seven lengths underwater, and he has webbed buttocks...

• Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark...

• Some say that his ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott...

• Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar...

• Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds...

• Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he’s been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show...

• Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nurburg ring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he’ll skive off and play croquet...

• Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother he will headbutt you in the chest...

• Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason he’s allergic to the Dutch...

• Some say that his first name really is The, and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island they’d all be pregnant including the cameramen...

• Some say that he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and that long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs...

• Some say that he once had a vicious knife-fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the Cash-for-Honours scandal. All we know is that he's called Lord Stig

• Some say that if you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as Piccalilli, and that at this week’s Brit awards he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand...

• Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears’ head...

• Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve...

• Some say his scrotum has its own small gravity field...

• Some say because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name...all we know is, he's called Cuddles...

• Some say he's banned from the town of Sligo...

• Some say in a recent late night deal he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh...

• Some say to unlock him you have to run your finger down his fa

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) the most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

1 The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

2 No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

30) the most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

1. Conor Buggy does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probabilityof failure.Conor Buggy goes killing.

2. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Conor Buggy.

3. Conor Buggy ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one!

4. Conor Buggy sleeps with a night light. Not because Conor Buggy is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Conor Buggy.

5. Conor Buggy is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Indian.

6. At birth, Conor Buggy came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Conor Buggy but Conor Buggy.

7. Conor Buggy has 2 speeds. Fast and Kill.

8. Conor Buggy has 1 son. His name is Superman.

9. Conor Buggy doesnt sleep, He waits.

10. Conor Buggy sued NBC claiming that "Law & Order" are trademark names for his right and left legs.

11. Conor Buggy walked down the street. There where no survivers.

12.When Conor Buggy does push-ups, he doesn't himself up, he pushes the earth down.

13. There are no such thing as steroids only players Conor Buggy has breathed on.

14. Rather than being birthed like a normal child Conor Buggy decided to punch his wat out.

15. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of Records it notes that all world records are held by Conor Buggy and that those listed are simply the closest that anyone else has ever gotten.

16. Conor Buggys's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cried. EVER.

17. Conor Buggy once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger by yelling "BANG".

18. When Conor Buggy sends in his taxes, he sends in blank forms and a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. Conor Buggy has not had to pay taxes. EVER.

19. Conor Buggy doesn't churn butter, he roundhouse kicks the cows and butter comes straight out.

20. Superman wears Conor Buggy pyjamus.


21. Originally, Jawbreakers were in the shape of Conor Buggy' fist.

22. Conor Buggy frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

23. Conor Buggy puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

24. The chief export of Conor Buggy is pain.

25. Conor Buggy can slam revolving doors.

26. Conor Buggy thought up some of the funniest Conor Buggy facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.

27. If you can see Conor Buggy, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

28. Conor Buggy doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

29. Conor Buggy counted to infinity - twice.

30. When Conor Buggy exercises, the machine gets stronger.

31. Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Conor Buggy.

32. It is impossible to be raped by Conor Buggy because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

33. Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Conor Buggy got an award for masturbating in public.

34.Conor Buggy owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

35. If you see Conor Buggy crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

36. Conor Buggy was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

37. Conor Buggy crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.

38. They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Conor Buggy. He doesn't have to.

39. Conor Buggy is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

40. Conor Buggy has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

41. Jeeves asks Conor Buggy.

42. When driving in