1: under no circumstances are 2 men to share a umbrella.
2: it is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
b) the moment angelina jolie starts to unbuttoning her blouse.
c) 1 hour 12min and 37seconds into the crying game.
d) when she is using her teeth.
3: any man who bring a camera to a stag nite may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5) if you know a bloke for more than 24hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6: moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend fridge is frobidden but you can complain that the temperature is unsuitable.
7: no man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. in fact, ever remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.
8: on a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: when stumbling upon another bloke watching a match, you may ask the score, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: you may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. if you trap her head under the covers for this she is officially your girlfriend.
11: it is permitted only to have a fruity alcopop drink whenyour sunning on a tropical beach and it's delivered by a topless supermodal and it's free.
12: only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another man in the balls. unless your in prison, and never fight naked.
13: freinds don't let friends wear speedos. ever. issue closed.
14: if a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: women who claim they "love to watch sport" must be treated as spies untill they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sport watchers.
16: a man in he company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but never both that's just mean.
18: if you compliment a bloke on his 6 pack, you better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours except if she's with holding sex pending your responce.
20: phrases that can never be said to another man while weight lifting.
a) yeah, baby, push it!
b) give me 1 more! push it!
c) another set and we can hit the showers!
21: never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both queuing, etc. for all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
22: never allow a phone call with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
23: the morning after you and a girl who you are formerly "just a friend" had drunking sex, the fact that your feeling wierd and guilty is no reason not to do it again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
24: it is acceptable for you to drive her car. it is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
25: thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange and sky blue.
26: the girl who replies to the question: "what do you want for christmas?" with " if you love me, you'd know what i want!" gets a playstation, end of story.