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dawn seemed so far away
3 
- Profile views: 50
- Profile created: January 2009
- www.bebo.com/dusks-story
- Category:
- Romance
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hello!
hi everyone, i would firstly like to introduce myself and tell you a little bit about the story so far,
my names becca and the idea came into my head a while ago but recently i decided to put something on paper, and here it is i hope you enjoy and if people write comments and like it i will update as often as possible, i take all comments onboard so please constructive critasism would be greatly appreciated xx0 Comments 226 weeks
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8/21/09
Glitter
Hey. If anyone has time, could they take a look at mine? By the way, I'm not the kind of person to advertise my book on a bebo I haven't reviewed. I'm Aimee; I wrote your last review. thanks(:
Good work Your description & vocab is fantastic. I love your choice of words. "Velvety midnight blue". There's something very attractive about the words you use.
by Aimee 5/24/09You haven't used commas in certain places (after someone speaks, before a speechmark) & the majority is written without capitals, so it's univiting & the reader just assumes it won't be any good (as I did at first).
It has the potential to be very fantastic, however you skip from the night of the meeting to a few weeks later. You need to describe her home, her family, her friends, etc. These little details make the storyline much more believable. Otherwise it feels like she's vanished from the surface of the earth for a few weeks before returning to the beach again.
Also, they only spoke a few sentences to each other but over an hour had passed? Go over it and edit mistakes such as this one & I'm sure it could be a fantastic read.
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nice please continue it seems interesting
by Mash Reneau 3/4/09