Honest Eds, mojitos~my speciality!Christie's pits, lets rape the TTC, fleecing G's, our house guests in the refractory factory, minty,russel,a galway boy and the likes!curse of the coach house, what is jesus doing on my floor?Slut! 604 spadina!Go sling your hook, your goose is cooked!keg parties, frat parties, u guys wanna do shots?why are there vaginas on ur ceiling?take ur tokes! That's CLASS! popeye sticks, I'm not a dog, I' don't do tricks, superstylin! Eh?? bruises everywhere, constant liver pains, slitz is the shitz, negatory on the craicatory, pasta, hot sauce and peanut butter!nigs, not nigs, fuck it!wana do a bong?John Sully boy,picadillys, A-Con feelin a bit gassy, durshy durshy,James Ready, sher ud get up on the CN tower, do u no what this party needs??jagerbombs! wana ride the sledge?I'm a grrr man!ginger count!arriving at spadina, spadina station, NY skyride, if u like rollercoasters, ul love skyride!keg stand??POSITIVE CRAIC!

1.YOUR REAL NAME

Claire Mernagh

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (first 4 letters of real name plus izzle)

Claiizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fav color and fav animal)

YellowHorse

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (mother's name, and childhood street):

Monica Ryland

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mother's maiden name):

Merclkav

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink

Purple Wine
7. YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mums maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your mothers middle name):

Lryahba

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (grandfather and grandmother's first names]

Angela Charlie

9. YOUR GOTH NAME (black, and the name of one your pets):

Black Toffee

10. YOUR PORN STAR NAME (Your first pet's name, and your mums maiden name)

Polly Kavanagh

SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone, don't even recognise the room you're in.
FAULT: Don't panic - you've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they've any free pints anyhow.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed, have yez no homes to go to
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That lager is too weak.
ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.
FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.
ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
ACTION: It's too late, you made complete arsehole of self.