Dingwall has an ancient language know as the "Dingwall Cunt", it is similar to English but has some unique words and phrases:




Aaahraarr - Other.
Arsh - Bum.
Baaaaarrie - Excellent e.g. "Ah seen seen that fillum Mac an' Me up at the pictshursh the aaahraarr night, an' it was pure baaaaarrie, leeek".
Blinky - Window.
Braahaaraaar - Brother.
Bursht - To hit/ kick someone in e.g. "Ah seen that Jakey Stewart deekeen at ma manishee fanny, so ah took him outside an' pure bursht 'im."
Coff - A person, usually a man.
Deek - Look.
EEEEEEEEHHHH? - What?
Faahhaarraaarr - Father.
Faaaanny - Funny.
Gaaadgee/Gaaaaadge/Gudgie/Gudge - A man.
Lordy Coff - A dirty, smelly poor person who would probably eat chewing gum that he/she has chiseled off the pavement and wears the same pants for two months.
Maaaanishee- Woman.
Maahhaarraaarr - Mother.
Mappich - Drunk.
Moth - Big/ Very good.
Nut/Naaaat - No.
Saaaheeen - Something.
Scone - Head.
Slut - Thanks alot.
Whaaaryeee tryeeeen taaasaaay? - Pardon me, what did you say?
Whasscrack? - How are you today?
Wud/wuddie/waaad/waaaaddie - A dirty, smelly poor person who would probably eat chewing gum that he/she has chiseled off the pavement.
UUUUHHH? - What?

Tesco's condoms ~ every little helps

Nike condoms ~ just do it

Peugeot condoms ~ the ride of your life

New galaxy textured condoms ~ why have rubber when you can have silk?

KFC condoms ~ they're finger licking good

Safeway's condoms ~ lightening the load

Abbey National condoms ~ because life is complicated enough

Coca-cola condoms ~ the real thing

Duracell condoms ~ you can just keep going and going

Pringles condoms ~ once u pop u cant stop

Burger King ~ home of the whopper

Flash condoms ~ just sit back relax and let Flash do all the hard work, so you dont have to

Halfords condoms ~ we go the extra mile

Royal mail condoms ~ i saw this and thought of us

Andrex condoms ~ soft strong and very long

Renault condoms ~ size really does matter!

Ronseal condoms ~ does exactly what it says on the packet

Domestos condoms ~ gets rite under the rim!!

Carlsberg condoms ~ probably the best condom in the world

AA condoms ~ you always have AA friend

Pepperami condoms ~ its a bit of an animal

Polo condoms ~ the condom with the hole (very poor seller)

Halifax condoms ~ who gives you extra?

charmin condoms ~ break the habbit (and use protection)

Teletubbie condoms ~ again again!!!

Cadburys condoms ~ give into your happiness

Kumala condoms ~ perfect together

Red Bull condoms ~ gives u wings

Cadburys creme egg flavoured condoms ~ how do u eat yours?

Sure crystal condoms ~ unbeatable against white marks

UGC cinema condoms ~ coming soon

Lynx condoms ~ because you never know when

Tresseme condoms ~ used by professionals

Guns don’t kill people Jack Bauer kills people

When Google can’t find something it asks Jack Bauer for help

Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child….. Just once

Plan to hook up with jack Bauer? The odds of you being not being killed somehow are 50/50. So don’t forget your bulletproof vest

Jack Bauer’s mum asked who he loved more. Her or his country. To this jack chuckled & responded “You know that answer” as he snapped her neck. Jack Bauer hates dumb people

As a child Jack Bauer once kidnapped and tortured Santa Claus until he took his name off the bad boys list

The real reason Jack Bauer was fired from CTU was his massive mobile phone bill
Jack Bauer died for his country and lived to tell about it

Jehovah’s Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After 4 minutes of interrogation they admitted that Jack Bauer is God

When someone asks Jack Bauer how his day has been he replies: “Previously on 24”

In order to control illegal immigration in the USA, the president installed cardboard cut outs of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border

Jack Bauer doesn’t sleep the only rest he needs is when he gets knocked out or temporarily killed

Jack Bauer only cries when he runs out of terrorists to kill

Jack Bauer didn’t need to pick a box on deal or no Deal; the banker gave him the £250,000 jackpot when they heard he was coming

37% or Americans believe that Jack Bauer is real.

If you look up the dictionary definition of Jack Bauer you find the following entry: Jack Bauer – an invincible ass-whopper known for having excessive troubles with girlfriends and having a daughter too many people wished a cougar ate.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed
Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Jack Bauer let the dogs out.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite colour is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

When you open a can of whoopass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Cancer is not the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men. It's Jack Bauer.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there’s no life on Mars.

When the boogie man go