We read certain things and allow the inmates to see certain movies. In our studies we have found that the following quotes have had the greatest positive affect on the inmates. Some cracked a smile and in a few rare cases, a couple laughed.


"If I could yawn with my mouth closed you'd have no idea how boring you really are." ~Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

Crow: Oh, a romantic subplot!
Servo: How can you have a subplot when there's no real plot?
Crow: Really good writers. ~MST3K


"A good friend helps you up when you fall - a Best Friend pees their pants laughing, trips you again and calls you an asshole." ~unknown

"I think it's always a good idea to carry around two sacks with you. That way if anyone ever says, 'Can you help me carry this?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'" ~Jack Handy

"You're acting like a blind man in a dark room searching for a black cat that isn't there!" ~Stand and Deliver

"A cardinal rule of tennis: A man who makes his living playing with fuzzy balls should never call anyone a faggot." ~unknown

"Face it girl, prince charming isn't coming. He's living with Mr. Right." ~unknown

"These years will be a shadow that will follow us around. I don't think our memories will ever fade away. I keep wanting to think this is not goodbye, and it isn't, we'll always be the best of friends. When we leave next year we won't be back in September, no more playing because we're heading off into our new life. If you have something to say, you'd better say it now, you don't have another day." ~unknown

"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father." ~Wendy Leibman

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." ~Johnny Carson

"Think of the baby Jesus! Up in that tower trying to let down his hair so the three wise men can climb up and spin the dredel to see if there are going to be three more weeks of winter." ~Will and Grace

"Somewhere there is a man with a tranquilizer gun and a big butterfly net searching for that guy." ~Friends

"When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago." ~unknown

"You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in." ~unknown

"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic." ~Jack Handy

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other." ~Jack Handy

"Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff." ~Jack Handy

"It was just common sense to jump several feet into the air when an apparently dead thing made the slightest noise." ~unknown

"No, it wasn't for any sweet, dutiful reason either -- he was just acutely aware that being quite alive was probably more pleasant than dead. Well, he didn't know for sure, it was just that it had always been his assumption that if dying was all that great, people would spend more time jumping in front of oncoming trains... " ~ unknown

"There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree for instance..." ~unknown

"A good friend is someone who bails you out of jail. A best friend is someone who is sitting next to you saying 'Damn, that was great.'" ~unknown

These next quotes were taken from real life. Yes these lawyers and witnesses did actually say this.

Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living w

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

...unfortunately, I did!

The thirty-three things you should have done before the age of then. How many did you do?

1[x]Roll on your side down a grassy bank.
2[ ]Make a mud pie
3[ ]Make your own modelling dough mixture
4[ ]Collect frogspawn
5[x]Make perfume from flower petals
6[ ]Grow cress on a windowsill
7[ ]Make a papier-mache mask
8[x]Build a sandcastle
9[ ]Climb a tree
10[x]Make a den in the garden
11[ ]Make a painting using your hand and feet
12[ ]Organise your own teddy bears' picnic
13[x]Have your face painted
14[x]Bury a friend in the sand
15[x]Make some bread
16[x]Make snow angels
17[x]Create a clay sculpture
18[ ]Take part in a scavenger hunt
19[ ]Camp out in the garden
20[x]Bake a cake
21[x]Feed a farm animal
22[ ]Pick some strawberries
23[ ]Play Pooh sticks
24[ ]Recognise five different bird species
25[ ]Find some worms
26[x]Ride a bike through a muddy puddle
27[ ]Make and fly a kite
28[attemped to, does that count?]Plant a tree
29[x]Build a nest out of grass and twigs
30[ ]Find 10 different leaves in the park
31[ ]Grow vegetables
32[x]Make breakfast in bed for your parents
33[x]Make a mini assault course in your garden


I scorred: 15.5/33 (i just planted an apple seed in the garden and hoped it grow, lol!)