AUSTIN POWERS PICKUP LINES

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.
2. Nice legs...what time do they open?
3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
8. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
9. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
10. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
11. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
12. Are those real?
13. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
14. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
15. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
16. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?
17. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
18. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
19. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
20. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
21. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
22. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
23. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
24. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
25. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
26. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?
27. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
28. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???
29. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
30. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this
cheap motel room.
31. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet
clothes.

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words **** you and grab the other girls a-s. Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she
thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?


14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you **** baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. when she gives you a present on you

I CAN'T BELIEVE STEVE IRWIN DIED!!! I'M GOING TO CRY