1.when my ma calls my name in a stupid song voice( gets louder and whinyer as it gets to the end) ciiiiaaaarrrrAAAANNNN
2. carpet salesmen
3. when your dyin for a shit in class but ya dont wanna go on the school toilets cos some knacker has no aimin skills and so went in the sink.
4. spicers at the cinema ( ooh daat zac efdron looks gawjus)
5. moore street women (cheddys (cherries) bananits( bananas) odanges (oranges)
6. ringing childline ( cos my da batters the shite out of me)
7.never happened... but if i got a boner in the swimming pool ( hey ya gettin out? (na i think im cool for just now im gonna do another lenght)
8. the news... most depressing thing on earth
9. fingerless gloves... whats the point
10. before michael jackson died ... " he's a kiddy fiddler"...after he died..." he was god"
11. vests and baby oil combined
12. t pain (shawtaaayyy)
13. the complete boxset of frasier
14. eatin round fat people... i feel horrible taking part in their professional sport
15. the delete all contacts button in your phone.. why the fuck would ya need that unless everyone in your phonebook died.
16.random adds on msn " alri who's this?..."smantha you".."ciaran"..."ha"..."fuck off"
17. nosebleeds
18.the number four...age i lost my virginity to a man
19.playstation one games... but not abes oddissy
20. the hills...buncha rich actors
21. fini's obsession with black men
22. johns ability to levitate
23. dos cos he has a car and can drive to mcdonalds at night...why?...because he can
24. falling in public
25. having a nice cold glass of "why you drinkin me im only worth thirty cent"

Stupid Things Actually Said By Soccer Commentators
1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win.

2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.

3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.

4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.

5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.

6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal.

7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere.

8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win.

9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.

10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.

Remember, nothing says 'good job' like a firm, open-palm slap on the behind.

Family Guy Quotes
Greg, I'm afraid you've earned four hours in the snake pit as punishment. And Jan, for tattling on your brother, you've earned a day in the chamber of fire.

Family Guy Quotes
Come, ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!

Family Guy Quotes
I only drank so that the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off.

Family Guy Quotes
Oh, jeez, I spilled wine all over your shirt! You know what's good for getting stains out? Sex with another man.

Family Guy Quotes
Lois, when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart, they'll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.