1. Lappin the town
2. Sex!
3. Stockcars
4. Farmin instead of going to school
5. Half way barndance
6. Fightin at the half way barndance
7. Going to midnight mass full
8. Workin in the fecktry
9. Ballyliffen
10. Double barrled names ( Michael Patrick, Patrick pio and so on)
11. Cappin beasts
12. Jeeps with no back seats so the insurance is cheaper
13. Not getting insured anyway
14. Drink Driving
15. The Big House
16. Cockhill dinner dance
17. Fightin at cockhill dinner dance
18. Old celtic tops
19. Sayin sir at the end of every sentence
20. Yoks
21. Liberties
22. batin the head of derry men at liberties
23. batin the head of townies at liberties
24. batin the head of letterkenny wans at the pulse
25. batin the head of bouncers at liberties
26. Netting the river
27. The hill
28. Ivan Borland
29. Kieth fletcher
30. mf 135
31. Going to libs on sun night then taking the van to Dublin at 4am
32. Bank holidays
33. Cern mart
34. Keeping ducks in the shed
35. usin the ol mini metro as a chicken coop
36. goin te wakes
37. Leavin a batch in the woman
38. Vodka and Redbull
39. blue wkd
40. Black wranglers and white shirts
41. New rock boots
42. Trousers that are to tight at the bottom
43. Fish supper out of Tommys
44. Fightin outside the 4 lights
45. Lying
46. Building walls
47. Plasterin
48. Last night of the clonmany festival
49. Getting as full as the bingo bus
50. Going wi 14 year olds when your 21
51. Packie Bradley on the wireless
52. Dab at the stool
53. Irelands own
54. barn brack
55. Powers
56. The wee club in libs
57. Rowin with the gaurds
58. Sniffin petrol when you cant afford to get full
59. The Donegal rally
60. Trying to follow the rally in the ol mini metro
61. Going to America
62. Diffing
63. Working 8 days a week
64. Building your own house
65. Quads
66. Ewes
67. Ear rings
68. Buyin the autotrader and dealer even though your not goin to buy anything
69. Fixin cars
70. Terrences chip van after libs
71. Waving te everyone you pass in the car
72. Lisa lashes in the grill
73. Twin cams
74. welding diffis in transits den ralley dem

1. Dont slack her til ye wrack her
2. Kepp her lit sa
3. Mind that heuring EWE
4. By jesus them tyre's are bald as a wain's ass
5. Keep the wellie on her
6. Ooooooohhh Jesus sir!
7. Keep her between the shucks!
8. peel the tires aff er!!
9. she was roulin about like a camel on roller skates!
10. Wind her out tight!
11. Fuck wouldnt ye wank over thon yok
12. Wait til you get power then race me
13. Sideways or no ways
14. Sideways always
15. Tighten her up shes slack on the bends
16. Fill her to the tits wi the go go juice
17. Fill her wi the good green stuff
18. Fuck the tax and insurance, costs too much
19. Over-take cars on the inside
20. Over-take as many cars as possible at once
21. Limit her til the engine blows
22. dip for no man
23. Give plenty of abuse to women(bitches)
24. Always beep to a fine women on the road and stop to look
25. Make sure u give the wrong indicators
26. Double clutching.short shifting
27. Full of the pipe!give her wile pipe sa
28. Open her out tight
29. Houl her on the handbrake
30. if u canny find it, grind it.
31. if in dought,send her out! conq her out
32. steer with the rear !
33. Back away there's nothing in front of ya!
34. keep going to ya here the bang!
34. j ack da handle!
34. let her at it.
35. keep the blower going! ull get wile lag!wile sa!
36. sqaure tires from handbraking!bastard!
37. stand on the brakes!
38. she stap on her own lenght!
39. clutch pipe then shell step out!
40. gaurds.glue her te the road!.tell them im sleeping!

WHY IRISH ARE THE BEST!
Only in Ireland... Can a pizza get to your house faster than
an ambulance

Only in Ireland... Do banks leave both doors open and chain
the pens to
the counters.

142 Irish were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from
new shirts.

58 Irish are injured each year by using sharp knives instead
of screwdrivers.

13 Irish have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas
tree while the
fairy lights were plugged in.

Irish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after
cracker pulling
accidents

101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of
plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Irish had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper
with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Irish were admitted to A&E in the last two
years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Irish were injured last year in accidents involving out of
Control Scalextric cars.

AND finally......... In 2000, 8 Irish cracked their skull
whilst throwing up into the toilet