1. Murphy's Law
If something can go wrong, it will.
2. Murphy's Law
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
3. Murphy's Law
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
4. Murphy's Law
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
5. Murphy's Law
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
6. Murphy's Law
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
7. Murphy's Law
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
8. Murphy's Law
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
9. Murphy's Law
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
10. Murphy's Law
The first myth of management is that it exists.

Billy Connolly's "14 reasons to hate people"


REASONS TO HATE PPL

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch m8, where the fuk is yours? Do I point at my arse when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their bum to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Fuking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why would you keep looking after you've found it?!!!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No dickhead, I paid a 5er to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.tosser.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short".WHAT?!Life is the longest fkin thing anyone ever fuking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, boots??

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks...........Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fuking McTosser.

14. When you involved in an accident and some ask you 'are you alright? Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off'
people!












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