Can you fill this out without lying?
I can.

What day is it?
Friday

What time is it?
21:05

Have you ever kissed anyone named Richard?
No

Last person you rode in a car with?
Mr. Taxi Man

How often do you eat fast food?
Relatively rarely

When was the last time you saw number 3 on your top friends?
Last night before I went out.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
About 6 in the morning, watching "The Third Man", plus general can't-fucking-sleep problems.

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Conor or Ciaran, what with being the adjoining rooms.

What are you plans for the night?
Drink some beers, watch some Bales.

Do you prefer to call or text?
Text, though there's a person I enjoy hearing on the phone.

Where are you at right now?
Sitting on my bed. Probably gonna head to the kitchen. I like the kitchen.

Who is all there?
Me, myself and I. And quite possibly Posdnuos.

Do you have unlimited texting?
If I top up a certain amount each month which I keep forgetting how much it is.

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
An easter egg from me ma.

When is your birthday?
5th February

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Arlo Guthrie

Was yesterday better than today?
No.

Do you have any nicknames?
Yeah but they're all ones Orla calls me.

Can you live a day without TV?
Aye.

What are you listening to?
Nothing at the minute.

Have you made any new friends recently?
Yeah.

Where were you friday night?
Work..

Who were you with?
Work types.

Have you kissed anyone with a name starting with T?
Aye.

Is anything bothering you right now?
Yep.

Are you a bad influence?
I don't try to be, but gin's a horrible missus.

Night out or night in?
Night in with some, night out with others.

What items could you not go out of the house without?
Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
Probably my granny, who's been dead for a few years now.

What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"Bout 10 past but yeah."

How do you feel about your life right now?
Shitty.

Do you hate anyone?
I'm a raging ball of hate.

Who is your favorite artist/band?
Faith No More

What do you usually order at McDonalds?
Nothing.

Why?
Cause I don't dig their shitty food.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Playing pool, watching Kat the barmaid's arse and drinking too much gin.

Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
Yep.

Who is your favorite rapper?
Q-Tip probably, or Posdnous.

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
Yeah, even though she really shouldn't.

Last time you kissed someone?
Monday 23rd March, on our anniversary.

What time did you go to bed last night?
Didn't I already say 6 in the am?

Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person?
Yep. Was messy.

Done anything illegal in the past month?
I don't think so. Hard to tell what's a fucking crime these days.

Describe your life in one word?
Apathetic.

Do you think age matters in relationships?
Not at all.

When was the last time you got a haircut?
Couple of months, maybe two.

Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend?
No.

Who did you last eat Chinese food with?
Colm.

Single, Taken, or Crushing?
Somewhat more than 'crushing'.

Are you happy with where you are?
In life, fuck no. In the house, not entirely.

Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
No.

Have you talked about marriage with another person?
Yep.

Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Nope.

Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot?
Depends on the pizza. Homemade is better cold.

Where did you go today?
Easons to see BRET FUCKING HART and all round town with Orla.

Are you over the age of 16?
Too far over it for my own good.

Would you rather date a person with a British accent or an Irish accent?
Irish

Right Now..
Is your hair up? No, it's meticulously ruffled
Is your phone right beside you?: Aye, sitting under last Sunday's Observer Food Monthly. I'm learning me some more recipes.
Do you wish you were somewhere else?: The moon, maybe.
Do you have plans for tonight?: Yeah, learning me some more recipes. Probably gonna try making the Ivy's fishcakes, or some apple tatin.
Are you wearing makeup?: No
Are you wearing chapstick?: Doubtful
Are you cold?: Little bit
Are you tired?: Knackered
Are you excited?: Fuck yeah
Are you watching t.v.? I would be if I could get a minute's fucking peace at it.
Are you wearing pajamas?: No, shirt and jeans.
Who's the last person that called you? Lorcan.

In Tha Past..
Anything you regret? Damn skip!
Ever lied?: Yeah
Ever stuck gum under a desk? No, I tend to keep chewing it till I forget I have it.
Ever spit at someone? No, eww.
Ever kick something living? Oh aye.
Ever had your nails done?: Nope
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: Can that happen?

Last Week..
Had any plans last week?: Dick all.
Who did you see most last week?: Ray, Mackle or John probably.
Was last week interesting? Not really.

Today..
Have you cursed?: Like a fucking sailor.
Have you yelled at someone? Nope.
Have you gotten mad at someone? Nope, been a great ol' day.
Have you called more than 3 people?: Yeah.
Have you eaten anything gross? Half of Orla's bun and a waffle. I'm so fat.

Spill Your Guts..
Q. First thing you did this morning?: Was up all night, not sure when morning started. Walk home?
Q. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks?: Seeing "Watchmen" and seeing who I'm seeing it with.
Q. What's annoying you right now?: FNM haven't announced dates yet. PLAY BELFAST!
Q. What's the last movie you saw? "Pretty Woman." Julia Roberts is NOT a pretty woman.
Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?: Tried to, didn't work.
Q Where is the last place you went?: The Bleary, from Belfast.
Q: Who is the last person you called?: Pete.
Q: Been cheated on?: Fucking hope not.
Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?: Yeah.
Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity): Got 'em all. Oh, fuck, hubris is a-coming...
Q: Do you wish on stars?: Nah, but I do on eyelashes.
Q: Does it work?: It's taken seven fucking years but it did. FNM!
Q: Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off?: Cowboy boots, sunshine
Q: When did you last cry?: When I read "Lolita"
Q: Do you like your handwriting?: Sometimes. It's really small though.
Q: Are you a friendly person?: Yeah.
Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?: Yep.
Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?: No one's.
Q: What color of shirt are you wearing?: Black (brown tie).
Q: Do you have any pets?: Colm and Mackle.
Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?: Blue
Q: What were you doing at 10 last night?: Watching "Aliens". Fucking yeo.
Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?: Sunday night, so about five days ago.
Q: Look to your left, what do you see?: Observer Food Monthly. Open to a page on Nobu's black cod. Looks tasty.
Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Probably.
Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?: Yeah, Tara's.
Q: Song that makes you cry?: "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak. And the entire "Les Mis" soundtrack. Bloody whore.
Q: Are you a normally happy person?: Outwardly, yes.
Q: Is your self-esteem low?: Very.
Q: What color are your eyes?: Green/brown with a yellow ring around the pupil. Sarah was the one who noticed that, I think.
Q: Long or Short Hair: Short.
Q: Current Music? None, thinking of putting on "Ricochet" by Faith No More.

God damn it, people, guns will not save you in a zombie apocalypse. And why is that? Well, the most important reason is simple:

YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FUCKING SKILL TO ACCURATELY SHOOT EVERY SINGLE BASTARD IN THE HEAD.

And even if you did, you God damn SAS sniper you, then tell me, where oh where, in a world with no industry, no manufacturing, no economy, where will you find a reliable source of ammunition? Where will you obtain the (illegal) supressor you're going to need to stop yourself from attracting unwanted attention? Where will you find replacement parts when the slide fucks up in your Heckler & Koch? You won't, that's where. Grab something blunt. Something long and blunt, like a baseball or cricket bat, stock up on lighter fluid and matches, and remember, thermite is your friend.