1. You go to drop off one person to the airport, but you take 50 extra people with you

2. Your entire family runs the marathon when they see a dog (calmly walking on the other side of the road)

3. "Paracetamol" is your cure to every illness

4. Your remote control is still in its plastic packet

5. Your mobile phone "just happens to ring" when you see a member of the opposite sex

6. You hire a convertible in mid-December

7. You secretly watch "Star Plus" but pretend you've never heard of it

8. At the age of 30, you still think you can get away with paying child fare on the bus

9. You have a telephone at home but nobody is (ever) allowed to use it

10. You find a photo of a man with bushy hair, white shoes and sunglasses...you ask who he is and find out it's your uncle

11. You dance at a complete stranger's wedding (and claim you are a distant relative)

12. You somehow think you were involved in Tu Pac's death

13. You drive your car around the same spot for 10 years playing music that was out in '95

14. You achieve A*'s in every subject and your parents tell you to STUDY HARDER

15. Your car is better than your house

16. Universities let you in for Medicine just by looking at you

17. There is a tub of "PRIDE GHEE" and a sack of "TILDA BASTMATI" in your hallway

18. You are unable to open your front door because of the pile of shoes blocking the way

19. Your parents have a PANIC ATTACK when something dirty comes on t.v.

20. A member of your family claims that they once used to live in the Taj Mahal

21. You have to offer guests tea even before they've stepped into your house

22. You address every other Asian person on the planet as "your cousin"

23. Girls: Your brother thinks he's your dad

24. Your wedding takes place in either a community centre or a crappy restaurant on Wilmslow Road

25. You know how an Indian film will end even before it's started (but you still watch it)

26. You're related to your doctor

27. You go to a wedding with an empty car, but on the way back you end up giving the entire population of the wedding a lift home (and you haven't seen half of these people in your life)

28. At school, your parents were never aware of Parents' Evening (...and if they did attend Parents' Evening and you got a bad report, you told them that the teachers were all racist)

29. You arrive late at every party

30. At weddings the cameraman only ever cameras you when you're eating

31. Your parents find no criticisms in an Indian film where some guy jumps off a cliff and jumps back up again, people burst into song when their relatives are dying, evil politicians rule the world, and even the police don't give a crap (and then they wonder why you prefer to watch "Eastenders")

32. At parties, you wear more glitter and sparkly bits than a Christmas tree

33. You get over-excited when you see another Asian person on t.v.

34. You are constantly being compared to every other Asian kid on the Planet

35. You pronounce English words in a typical accent when speaking to your parents e.g. toilet: "Toylat"

36. You never go to the library ''to work''