mummy- kitty cat!
dadddy- jeffy!
Sister- Kazza 2k6!
Brother- Tobz!
Evil Twin- danny boy!
Twin- Declan!
the Princess- Caroline!
Grandma- Chris!
Granda- gregsy!
Admin wife- Danni T!
prick- Gav!
Husband- Graeme!
Wife- ciara!
Fairy god mother- Liam!
Fairy God Father- swanny!
donkey- kev!
BumChum-Robbie!
Stalker- Lyddie!
Hot Model-Gazza!
retard- neil m!
Post Man-Andy!
Sexi goddess- becca!
Best Boy Mate- Davey!
Best Girl Mate-Katherine!
Hottie- Buchan!
Hero- TINO!
Casual Sex Partner-mark! lol
secret Admirer- Lyddie!
Body guard-kaka!
Party animal-scotty!
lazy hero- colin!
poser 4lyf-georgey!
My Guardian angel- HOWIE!
My Drinkin partner-Marlow!
Friend with the nice ass-aroosha!
study buddy-mark!
person im smarter than: scotty!
friend with cubic head!lol: frazel!
nutter: eric!

DAVE- "do girl's voices break?"

DAVE- "do u get men thong's?"

DAVE- "why r we watchin this in english?... wer scottish"

DAVE- "ill go put the cokes in the microwave"

DAVE- "youl die then wake up then die again" (tryin 2 b scary lol)

DAVE- "me n jeff have good common sense"

DAVE- morag is spelt M-O-R-A-Q

DAVE- "its 25% looks, 70% personality"..(dusent quite add up to 100 son lol)

DAVE- "if u roll a sheep on to its side it will explode!!!"

DAVE- "what time is the half ten bus?"

DAVE- "how am i spose 2 see throo a see-throo glass?"

DAVE- "me and eric hav jst the same intelligence"

DAVE- "how many half gallons are in a gallon?"

JAMES- "did they hav guns in world war 1?"

DAVE- "whers my headphones?" (had 2 b ther)

DAVE- "i gurantee u the pussy goes away after 11.30"

DAVE- "is ther actualy pussy in a coke bottle?"

GAZ- "aaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiite"

DAVE- "u guys my n64 is my life"

DAVE- "guys honestly jeff is soooooooo gd at poker"

DAVE- "guys im a fireman! i cant be on tv!

DAVE- his chat up line 2 birds "do u want a sausage?"

COLIN- (in a room of guys) "lets do foreplay!"

DAVE- "only cunts go behind ur dick"

DAVE- to a KO'd swan "want sum coco pops?"

DAVE- "i should be president of the prime minister"

DAVE- "roby dus ur ultrasound let u see babies? its a boy its a boy!"

james- "FDC? flash da sack?"

martin- "whats in cheesy mash?"

DAVE- " lobsters r the worse version of crabs"

CALLUM- "horses cant fall over"

CALLUM- sayin how rugby is beter than football "well at least in rugby u can kick the ball"

GRAEME- "lets all shag each other on the plane!"

SCOTT- "bet u a tenner i beat u "......ROBBIE- "ok how much?"

ROBBIE- guy on tv wit no leg...."whats wrong with his leg?"

DAVE- "dont dogs hide under something wooden when ther dying like a rock?"

DAVE- "i rekon we shood kill the cunt who started aids by shaggin tht monkey"

ME- "isnt mount everest in africa?"

ME- " why is it u can liv without ur arm but not your head?"

DAVE- "do u believe in democracy or communism"

MARTIN- "up 4 wearin like luminous tights and shit in ballater?"

CALLUM- "lets go for a bondage sesh"

DAVE- "WHO PUT A BEER IN MY PINT!!"

DAVE- "seein as thers 3 of us i wil divide the pizza in2 8 so we all get the same amount"

DAVE- "you can punch me in the face as hard as u want but never touch my chips and cheese!"

ME- "how does gaz rhyme wit spaz?"

GAZ- "my balls smell sooooooooo gd"

ERIC- "ive been a member since i joined"

ROBBIE-"(on a bed wit 3 folk) why do i only hav like a 1/3 of the bed?"

DAVE-"(remote in his hand) wheres the remote"

DAVE-"WHERE THE FUK IS TOILET KEY!" (whilst in his fukin pocket)

ROBBIE- "mount everest is in france"

DAVE-"u can all take ur cars drive up the mountain and hav a crash derby jus dnt make any noise"

DAVE- "guys be quiet or the fox warden will come"

ME- "i am the captain of this ship!"

ME (about a black guy) "that guy think he is black or sumin?"

DAVE-"are these the houses the homeless live in?"

GRAEME-"im getting kicked about like a pinata!"

GRAEME-"eric why is ur wet so back?

ERIC- "its weird im in a bed with 3 other guys right now and im hard"

CALLUM- "how much dus a free pass cost?"

ASHLEY-"why was there so many spanish folk in tenerife?"

ASHLEY-"Yeah 3 fingers is easy but 4 fingers is too hard" (pure filth)

ME- "theres 13 inches in a foot right?"

GAZ-"how u gona cook sushi?"

ME-"why is this cereal taking so long 2 eat....maybe im nt eating it fast enough"

ASHLEY-"What Aberdeen and Liverpool played football in the Marcliffe?"

GAV-"Ive known james since primary fuckin nursery!"

MELVIN-"They are squirrels not animals!"

MARTIN-"how many pints are in a 4 pint jug?"

ASHLEY-"James remember that time i lay a brick infront of you! (pure filth)

ASHLEY- "3 doubles? thats like 9 drinks!"