- if you are reading this, whether we do or don't speak often, please post a comment of your first memory of me. When finished paste this paragraph into your own blog and see what happens. You'll be surprised what people remember about you!!!!!!

1. you consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine is good weather

2. the only sausage you like is square

3. you have been forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at secondary school

4. you have a wide vocabulary of Scottish words such as numpty, aye, aye right, auldjin, baltic glakit, wee yin, dram, choob...

5. you destroyed your teeth when you were young using Buchanan's toffee, Wham bars, Irn Bru Bars, Penny Dainties, MB Bars, Cola Cubes etc

6. you have an enormous feeling of dread whenever Scotland play a 'numpty' team like the Faroe Islands

7. you happily engage in a conversation about the weather with someone you've never met before

8. even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia , Deacon Blue and Big Country, you still love it when you're in a club abroad and they play something Scottish

9. you used to watch Glen Michael's Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his side kick Lamp Paladin

10. you got Oor Wullie and The Broons annuals at Xmas

11. you can tell where another Scot is from by their accent - "Awright, pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Sun ? Cheers, magic pal." Or "Fit ya bin up tae ? Fair few quines in the nicht, eh ?", etc

12. you see cops and hear someone shout 'Errapolis'

13. you have participated in or watched people having a 'square go'

14. you know that when someone asks you what school you went to they only want to know if you are catholic or protestant

15. you have eaten lots and lots of random Scottish food like mince 'n tatties, Tunnock's Caramel Logs, oat cakes, haggis, Cullen skink, Lees Macaroon Bars, etc

16. a jakey has asked you for money

17. you think nothing of waiting expectantly for your 1p change from a shop keeper

18. you know the right response to 'Ye dancing ?' is 'Y'askin?' followed by 'Ahm askin' and finally 'Then ahm dancin'

19. whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of vomit coz that's what the jannies used to chuck on it at school

20. you lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt

21. you don't do shopping... you 'go the messages'

22. you're sitting on the train or bus and a drunk man sits next to you telling you a joke - and asking 'Ahm no annoying ye ahm a?' and you respond 'Naw, not at a', yer fine. This is ma stoap, but'

23. you can have an entire phone conversation using only the words 'awright', 'aye' and 'naw'

24. you have experienced peer pressure to have an alcoholic drink when out - regardless of the circumstances

25. you know that ye cannae fling yer pieces oot a 20 storey flat, and that seven hundred hungry weans'll testify tae that. Furthermore you're sure that if it's butter, cheese or jeely, or if the breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth are 99 tae wan

26. you know that going to a party at a friend's house involves bringing your own drink

27. your holiday abroad is ruined if you hear there is a heatwave in Scotland while you're away

28. your national team goes 2-0 up again the Czechs in a qualifier in Prague and your mate says we'll end up losing 3-2 here and you think "Probably"

29. you can properly pronounce Sauchiehall, St Enoch, McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

30. your favourite pizza is deep fried and battered from the chippy

31. if you have ever used these terms - "How's it hingin'?", "clatty", "boggin", "cludgie", "dreich", "bampot", "bawheid", "baw bag" and "dubble nugget".


32. Ye get used to havin four seasons in wan day.

33 Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.

34. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

35. Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories n hink its pure class!

36. Ye measure distance in minutes.

37. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.

38. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.

39. Ye kin

Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions, where nobody goes,stands an ancient castle .Deep within this dank and uninviting place..lives Burk.Over worked servant of the thing upstairs.But that’s nothing compared to the horrors that lurk beneath the trapdoor.For there’s always something down there,in the dark....waiting to come out.

Don’t you open that trapdoor!

Your a fool if you dare.

Don’t you open that trapdoor,

Cause theres something down there.