In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb ".

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled
"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language .

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury .

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green .

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair .

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If
the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of naturalcauses.

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, andlaser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month,
which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them
"Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get thephrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase
inspired by this practice.

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it..........

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

>~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!!!!!!

The adventure to end to end all other adventures,
Even if there in space or something cool like that…


Sarah liked her bed, not in a bad way like a hooker might like a bed, but she enjoyed her sleep. Not as much as she loved dancing, ok look, she liked it. Anyway, as she opened her eyes, slowly as if with caution, she remembered the strange dream she had just finished, or was it a dream….Trying to re-visit her dreaming state so as she could remember, she did so the only way she knew, which was by downing the shoulder of vodka next to her bed. In a matter of minutes she was under. Swirling colours collided to form crude shapes, vivid images flash before her eyes, her house flew past her eyes and smacked straight into a cow. Sarah wasn’t that freaked out, this was a pretty usual occurrence. Suddenely the cold wet pavement jumped up and flaked her across the face, “how rude” thought Sarah, but she had bigger problems…. she had know idea where she was.

She felt a sudden chill as she pick herself off the ground; a cold wet feeling lined the pit of her stomach, as if she had eaten some bad ham or something. Slowly, she did a full 360 to see where she was. Yes, she was sure now “Yup, I haven’t a clue where I am” she noted happily to herself. Finally she decided to start walking in the only direction with a different shade of black. After walking really slowly for a minute or two she stopped dead in her tracks.
“Wait! I should really open my eyes.”
Pleased with her brain wave, she opened her eyes to discover that she was on some back road surrounded by fields. She realised that she really has to keep walking so on she went, looking for any club.
After 15 minutes of walking on her own, singing the same line from “sexy back”, she saw a dark figure at the side of the road. Approaching the figure with caution, she began to describe him in her head, for no good reason.
“His jeans covered over his dock shoes, and his red jacket was rolled up at the end so it defined where his upper body ended and the lower began. He had a kind face, with a dimple on the right. He wore a captain’s hat, maybe one he received as a birthday gift or something.”
“Hey” he greeted her “You don’t have a car in your handbag do you?”
She didn’t, that was the first thing she looked for.
“I’m trying to get to a club so I can dance my sailor ass off; where you heading?”
“I’m trying to get to a club too, so I can get home, do you know of any?”
“Look this is becoming pretty crap lets walk.”
“Alright, but don’t be anoy’n”
So off they went in search of a club.

After only a matter of minutes, 16 of them to be precise, Sarah spotted yet another stranger on the road. But before she could describe the stranger in her head, the sailor’s ears pricked up.
“Sarah, can you hear that?” he said in a lust full tone, which was full of lust.
“Wait! I never told you my name, how did you know?” she queried.
“O that’s just one of many plot holes in this story, but never mind that now, can you hear that sweet sounding guitar solo that makes me want to have actual sex with the player”
“….. Eh…. No” said Sarah, wondering what john had been drinking and if she could get some.
At the edge of the road, stood a short, but not too short, figure holding a guitar shadow (well I’m sure he was holding a guitar and not a shadow, but you get it). Wearing a dark pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a skull on it, he stood slightly slouched and with his eyes closed.
“I am so attracted to him, God it’s uncontrollable.” Said the sailor, who I am now naming ‘Dohn’. Suddenly the nameless guitarist opened his eyes and turned to look towards them in slow motion…. But there was no slow motion, so it just looked creepy.
“Hey my name is not Phil, its Jowney
“hey, how you doin’” said Dohn as he began to rub his chest.
“Cut that out!” shout Sarah “my names Sarah and h

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
__________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
__________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
__________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
__________________________________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________
_

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
__________________________________
_

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
__________________________________
_

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
__________________________________
_

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
__________________________________
_

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
__________________________________
_

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
__________________________________
_

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
__________________________________
_

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
__________________________________
_

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
__________________________________
_

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
__________________________________
_

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.