I leave the gas on
Walk the allies in the dark
Sleep with candles burning
I leave the door unlocked
I'm weaving a rope and
Running all the red lights
Did I get your attention
Cause I'm sending
All the signs that
The clock is ticking
And I'll be giving
My 2 weeks

Pick your favorite
Shade of black
You'd best
Prepare a speech
Say something funny
Say something sweet
But don't say
That you loved me

[Chorus:]
Cause I'm still breathing
Though we've been
Dead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're goin down for sure
Already lost a grip
Best abandon ship

Maybe I was too pale
Maybe I was too fat
Maybe you wanted better
Better luck off in the sack
No formal education
And I swore way too much
But I swear you didn't care
Cause we were in love

So as I write this letter
And she'd my last tear
It's all for the better
That we end this this year
Let's close this chapter
Say one last prayer
But don't say
That you loved me

Cuz I'm still breathing
Though we've been dead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're going down for sure
Already been diagnosed
So let's give up the ghost

Cuz I'm still breathing
Though we've been dead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're going down for sure
Already lost a grip on this abandoned ship
Oh..

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing

You may be a nurse if..... You believe that every patient needs
TLC...
Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell??
It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!

You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer system some
night in a dark alley.

You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.

Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.

Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and hospital
pillowcases.
And their presents are wrapped with Micropore tape.

You know the phone number of every late night food delivery place
by heart.

Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.

When asked by the doctor what colour that patient's diarrhea was,
youshow them your shoes. If
they missed your shoes, you use the
well-known "poo curry colour scale" ranging from chicken korma to
spinach vindaloo.

You can identify different causes of diarrhea by the smell of it.

Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the
keys,scissors and clamps in your pocket.

You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are
dispensing than they know.

You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants when
you're on holiday

You refuse to watch ER because its too much like the real thing and
it triggers flashbacks or...
Your family refuse to let you watch ER because you spend the whole
time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down X-rays.

You avoid answering the phone on your day off in case anyone from
the hospital is trying to call and beg you to work.

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at
another table throw up.

You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than you did
before you started nursing.

You've seriously considered catheterizing your children (or
yourself!) before a long car trip.

Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of
them on you.
Most of them have the names of laxatives on them.

You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your
co-worker and to shout if they need help.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

When checking the level of a patient's orientation you aren't sure
of the day or month yourself
or if dayshift, backshift or nightshift.

You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in
supermarket lines.

You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on your
dinner break (what dinner break??!?) and are not embarrassed when you wake up.

You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre for fear
that they will drop
dead near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed sheet for
a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.

You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work nights and
realize you don't need alcohol or drugs to hallucinate just lack of
sleep...

You pull over in a rest stop after working nights because you are
too tired to drive home and wake up to someone knocking on your
window thinking you've had a
stroke because you're passed out in your car drooling.

Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.

You've seen more penises than any prostitute.

You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your chest
"Soon".