Bouncer: "What time did you start tonight?"
Me: "I've had three pints"
Bouncer: "No, i said what time did you start tonight?"
Me: "... I've had four pints in the hole in the wall"



Me: "Sorry lads, lets go to Cuba"

- Lads, that's the worst bottle i ever had in my life.
- I got 8 clicks!
- Shit, I forgot to count.
- I blame the recession!
- Let's steal a christmas tree.
- Pick Ewan McGregor!
- They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!
- Neeeeooooooooooooooooooow!!!
- I'm outside Kebabish!
- Do you want some pineapple log?
- Mammy! Mammy! Why does my willy sometimes go hard?
- SNNNOOOOOORRRRLLAAAAAX!!
- I got the christmas tree from the back of a truck.
- FUCK OFF!!!!
- Nagan of Huzzar's only five euro!!!
- Fuck it, lets go drinkin'
- Lads, there's no way i'm going out tanight!
- A girl asked me to talk dirty to her so I said to her "imagine if i put your head in a vice, cut off your ear, lubed the hole and fucked your brain": Bob, you're a distrubed man.
- 4th night in a row lads!
- did ya pull!?
- Joe, you look like that lad from scream
- James, I'm gettin bad energy from ya
- Can I have a fag!
- I'm dieing for a fag!
- You owe me a fag!
- Wanna go halves on a box of fags?
- I quit the fags.
- Smoking area!?
- Lets steal Hylands fags!
- 3 STARS BABAAAAY!!!!!
- Lets go to the strip club!!!!
- Can I borrow a five'er?
- The off license closes in 5mins. RUN!
- James, i'm guna steal you a cone.
- 12euro!? fuck that!
- 8hours of King of Queens? UNREAL!
- I betya he's gay
- I'm in Quiznos!
- Joe, get out of the taxi
- go out for a quite couple.... hahahahhahahahahhahahaha
- OPD's!!!!
- BLLLUUUUUUUURRRRRRAARGAGAGRGAHAGRA
 GGRA (throwing up)
- How much is a bottle of club lemonade?
- Let's go rob shit out of vivo
- If the guards come, drop it and RUN!
- sure, i have no money
- 3 pints in the hole
- Pint of tenants please
- Road beers!!!!
- Oh no! its the cops!
- Simon: Joe where are you? I'm in your house.
- I woke up naked, on my kicthen floor, arse naked, on a massive erection.
- Paul, get out! I'm have a wank!!!!!
- Went to sleep sober, woke up absolutely langered.
- I'll give ya my grandparents half bottle of whiskey they bought on the way over to the Aran Islands
- 2euro's worth of christmas tunes. We're in business boys.
- Horatio Caine is unreal
- fiddy bag!
- shotgun!
- purple haze!?
- Ring Mannion there and ask for a lift
- We all don't remember, we all pulled, we all got lost, we all ended up by ourselves and we all ended up at joe's house.
- You're my boy Blue!!
- "Worst" day ever!
- 2 bottles of wine?
- I want the 2nd half of the handjob 1st!
- My name's Paul, here's the proof. Any chance I could have a sip of your drink, I don't have aids or hepatitus
- I fell asleep in Colarado and woke up in Joe's house
- That's not a shirt you slept face down in, those are dirty jocks!
- Quick the guards are coming! Hide your drink.... in your belly!
- This fucking collar! I HATE THIS GAY SHIT!!!!!
- No pants, blood EVERYWHERE
- When we finish our leaving cert. we're going to New Zealand!
- Hide the drink
- NO! I have school in the morning!
- Did you drink the bottle off your label?
- lads, lads, lads. It's like Snatch!
- It's not "YOUR" Waddy. So fuck off.
- Pace Fainting
- The Guards are looking for any excuse... to lick your nipples
- The iPig, it's for things like this that people go to college

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillage, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager. Barmen