There is no theory of evolution just a list of animals he allows to live.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris has two speeds... Walk and Kill.
Outer space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only thing that can beat a royal flush.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is just another fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is why Wally is hiding.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity... Twice.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!''

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....''

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?''

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.'''

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion f***ing chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000?

How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullsh*t. So basically, this message is a big "f*** YOU!" to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. f*** them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and an amazing wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times". I don't f***ing care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

The Four Basic Types of Chain Letters
Chain Letter Type 1:

(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!















No, really, go on and make one!!!















Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!















Not that, you pervert!!















Is your finger getting tired yet?















STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun?

Hope you made a great wish

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!! Really!!!

Here's how it goes:

Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house. Thanks!!!
Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullsh*t. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder: if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!!

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So