Ye ken yer Sottish when....

1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie,Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.

3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.

4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.

5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

6. Ye see people wear shell suits with burberry accessories – pure class!

7. Ye measure distance in minutes.

8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him,in yer ain family.

9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.

10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.

11.. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.

12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.

13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.

14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips,irn-bru,fags and nappies aw in the wan shop..

15.. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.

17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.

18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.

19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.

20. Finally, you are 100% Scottish if you have ever said/heard these words...

v how's it hingin

v Boggin

v cludgie

v pished

v wee beasties

v Amurny

v awa' an bile yer heid

v peely-wally

v humpey backit

v Ba'-heid

v baw bag

v dubble nugget

v Fit lyk ye bam?








Scots

Only us Scots will appreciate this --- written by a Police Inspector from Fife
Constabulary!!!!

The Glasgow , or more properly 'Glesca', dialect is known to be extremely concise, as so much can be said in so few words.
Consider for example, this exchange between a car-driver, and the police
officer who pulled him over. Interpretation is provided inside the brackets.


Police officer: Yaw rite? (Are you feeling ill?)

Driver: 'maw rite. (No. I'm feeling exceptionally well, thank you)

Yeshoor? (Are you entirely certain of that fact?)

Aye. (Yes)

Zisyoors? (Are you the registered owner of this vehicle?)

Zwitmine ? (Which vehicle are you referring to?)

Ris caur (The automobile in which you are presently seated)

Sibrurn laws (Actually, it belongs to my sister's husband)

Wers heeren? (Can you tell me where he can be located?)

Raboozers. (He is a guest of the local hostelry.)

Yebeen garglin'. (Have you partaken of any alcoholic beverages, in the
recent past?)

Jissa cupple. (I have consumed only one or two small cocktails, prior to dinner.)

Yur stoatin'. (It is my considered opinion that you are considerably under the influence of alcohol.)

Naw'mno' (I beg to differ.)

Ye urstoatin'. (I believe that my initial observation is correct, and that you are being somewhat deceitful.)

Umnoe. (I swear that I am being entirely truthful.)

Geezyer licence. (Would you be kind enough to allow me to inspect your drivers licence?)

' Vno Goatwan . (I am not in possession of such a document.)

Geroot racaur. (Kindly remove yourself from the automobile.)

Whiffur? (By what legal right do you make this request?)

'Mapolis.. (I am a member of the local constabulary.)

Ommigoad. (I call upon the Supreme Being, witness this moment of extreme duress..)

Geroot Ren. (Will you now please extricate yourself from your position behind the steering wheel.

Awrite, 'mcomin' (I am proceeding to do so with all possible speed.)

Blawris up. ( Are you familiar with the breathalyser test?.)

' Mgonny Besik . (I believe that I am about to be violently ill.)

Noanme Yurno. (Please exercise a great deal of caution as to

1. You're in the hospital, who on your TOP 16 comes to visit you?
Milly, the rellies, Jonny, Cami n Big English

2. If alcohol were banned, what would your reaction be?
"yeah?, it's illegal to download stuff too apparently...." hehe

3. Your CD collection is repossessed. But you may keep one.
would have to be that rouge Steps album thats in there somehow, purely out of dis-belief

4. Do you believe world peace is possible?
nah, too many akward cunts, ken

5. I'm a genie. Name your wish.
name my wish eh, hmmm, I'll call it Steven.

6. Name something about the opposite sex that automatically turns you off?
Baseball Caps!

7. Name one thing about the opposite sex that automatically turns you on?
Short skirts. what? i'm a guy

8. Speaking of sex, what did you think about Brokeback Mountain?
i'v never seen it

9. What are you obsessive about?
finishing 'a task' as best I can once I've started it

10. Leather face is in the kitchen.
David Dickinson in my Kitchen?

11. Do people underestimate you?
well, i am full o surprises I am

12. When you're in a bad mood, what will always put you in a better mood?
finding humour in it somewhere

13. Honestly, do you talk about bebo in real life?
not really, dun't really crop up in convo

14. Have you met someone you met on bebo in real life?
err, don't think I have nope

15. What do you hope to have accomplished by the end of the year?
be further on the way to paying for my LGV licences

17. Do you have any really crazy relatives?
Nope, i'm the craziestiest

18. Pretend you're 15 beers deep. Describe what you would be doing.
ooft, could be anythin...probably on a table

19. Does anyone in your life know the real you?
everyone, i'm always the real me

20. Last text you sent?
a reply to Annie bout ma new job

21. What is the most ridiculous fear you have?
a massive plastic doll my mum had called Yorkie. Still scary now! Even more so as it's eyes have somehow gone!!!

22. When is the last time you ate Peanut butter and jelly?
never, allergic to nuts u see

23. When did you last have a home cooked meal?
Sunday at (her) Ma's

24. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
remember that 15 beers deep question?....

25. Name someone(s) you miss:
Granda, Al T, Big Al.

26. Are you named after a grandparent?
nope

27. Who loves you?
everybody

28. Do you throw up gang signs?
what who what?

29. Have you ever broken a rib?
nope, bro Bri has

30. Last song you heard?
Newton Faulkner, Teardrop (cover)

31. What was the last thing you ate?
a cheese n ham sandwhich

32. How do you feel RIGHT now?
Tremendous!

33. Have you driven anywhere today?
back n forit to work, err and all over Gorebridge, Bonnyrigg, Patheeed, Humbie, Dalkieth and Lasswade for my job deliverin parcels

34. What's your hair like?
Ginger!

35. Would you ever work for the border patrol?
nah, me Grans English, would be a conflict of interests lol

36. Who's car were you in last?
mine

37. Where did you go?
home

38. What High School did/do you go to?
Gracie

39. Would you go back to go to homecoming?
ayes

40. Have you ever been in an interracial relationship?
went oot wi a German lass, does that count

41. Is your birthday on a holiday?
couple o days before Christmas

42. Do you vote?
yes

44. Are you a vegetarian?
no

45. Do you worry about global warming?
only when it's cold lol

46. Do you like polar bears?
never met a bad one yet

47. Do you like alligators?
never met one o them either

49. What slang word do you call marijuana?
'doobie'

50. Do you have to get your wisdom teeth out?
not so far

51. Ashley or Mary-Kate?
both

52. Do you have a tan?
HAHAHAHA, me, a tan!!!

53. Where were you one hour ago?
hanging the washing in the kitchen

54. Life... How do you feel about it?
brilliant

55. Have you ever logged on to your bf/gf/crush's bebo page?
only when asked

56. Which

Paddy and Mick were walking down the street one day

Paddy says "hold up d'er Mick, whats dat d'er on the ground in front of yer?"

Mick "It looks loike Shoite Paddy"

they both bend down and take a sniff
"it smells loike shoite too"

Paddy dips his finger in it then sticks it in his mouth
"fook me Mick, it fookin tastes like shoite"



Mick says "Well dat was a close one, tank de fokin Lord you stopped me from standin in that"