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Rule #1 - Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own
Rule #2 - Never use your real name.
Rule #3 - Never confess.
Rule #4 - No one goes home alone.
Rule #5 - Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.
Rule #6 - Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7 - Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8 - Be the life of the party.
Rule #9 - Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10 - Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11 - Sensitive is good.
Rule #12 - When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule #13 - Bridesmaids are desperate - console them.
Rule #14 - You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule #15 - Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16 - Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #17 - Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
Rule #18 - You love animals and children.
Rule #19 - Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule #20 - Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
Rule #21 - Definitely make sure she's 18.
Rule #22 - You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
Rule #23 - There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
Rule #24 - If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule #25 - You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.
Rule #26 - Of course you love her.
Rule #27 - Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
Rule #28 - Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule #29 - Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30 - Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
Rule #31 - If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
Rule #32 - Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33 - Never go back to your place.
Rule #34 - Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35 - Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #36 - Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
Rule #37 - At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule #38 - Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket to the pavement.
Rule #39 - The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
Rule #40 - Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
Rule #41 - If there is a cash bar, bring your fake war medals. You'll never have to buy a drink.
Rule #42 - Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
Rule #43 - At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Rule #44 - Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after. But don't talk about it.
Rule #45 - Always remember your fake name!
Rule #46 - The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
Rule #47 - You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #48 - Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancee.
Rule #49 - Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule #50 - Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
Rule #51 - Always pull out in time.
Rule #52 - Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
Rule #53 - Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive." Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
Rule #54 - Avoid virgins. They're too clingy.
Rule #55 - If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
Rule #56 - Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up.
Rul

Seriously, total focking mare.

Rugby World Cup? What a focking shambles. I know ROG was stressed out because he know's Im loike such a better kicker than he is, well actually, judging by his loike, performance over the last few weeks, the tool couldn't hit the side of a donkey with a fucking cricket bat! Plus, he probably doesn't know i've loike been totally nobbing his ball and chain while he's been running down the Champs-Élysées, Whatever the fock that means cos its loike French or something. I should really ask Fionn, the geeky focker!

Loike seriously, you'd think the focking rugby ball was infected with loike, aids, or a skanger had touched it the way they were all dropping it and knocking it on, the tools. They should have wrapped the focking thing with pink pretty bows and a card, handed it to the Argies with a peck on the cheek, it would have been more difficult then for them!

I think BOD was loike deffo worried too, he completly knew that i should have been in the captains seat. Feheliy used to comlpetly agree with me, Gonna totally miss that dude! Sitting here at the bar in lillies with Christian, knocking back a few kens and debating, loike, why I wasn't on the team this year. And me loike totally putting it to Christian it was because loike i gave up too early, but I could still do it because I'm totally training to go back so that I could take ROG's number 10 jersey for myself and bring the Irish team loike the fame it deserves. Christian completly agrees, orders another round of kens and high fives me, which is loike totally cool of him, because he really didn't have to say that!

The old dog an bone rings, Its Ronan, "Alreet Rosser, story?, Fuckin shambles of a match wasn it? Can't believe you got me into a benny sport like this wha?" and hangs up the phone, without letting me get a word in. He's become such a great kid, doing really well in school, obviously got the brains from loike sorcha, and the looks and rugby talent from me. Although not doing so well on the pitch since Me and Sorcha cut the chain.

I'm still in shock at Trimmers, the skinney focker, for leaving such a huge gap against the French the other week too, loike there was so much space there you could have dumped the QE2 there and the French would still have enough room to squeeze between it and trimmers. I totally can't believe the news about Best, the poor focker, great guy! Had a few good nights with the dude in lillies over the years, when I loike owned it. Hope the fucker's gonna be ok though, he owes me loike fifty lids cos i bet him that i was a better player than ROG, and I think the last few weeks totally prooved it.

Erika and Clare are at the other side of the bar, Erika's looking hot tonight, as usual, id definitly bone her. Clare although, i've loike been there already, and her being from brayruit and trying to live up to the standards of the other girls, i still somewhat get the feeling that her real name is tiffany-kylie and that she secretly follows everything she says with "in all in anneennyyyways". The total focking hound!She really does belong on the breakfast show, funbags like fried eggs and all that.

The phone bells again, its dick features himself, inmate 3207 whatever. "What the fock do you want?" " Well kicker, see the match, Bit of stress up EOS's way now huh? All the guys in here are in shock, they thought we'd make it through!", "Get to the focking point" i say, "well," he says "if you were in rogs boots, which are way too big for him now anyway, we would have made it through!" which is nice of him to say, but I still call him a total penis and hang up the phone, the dickhead!

The only player that did impress me was loike, Flanners, the dud could loike totally be inline to take BOD's captain seat, if i decided not to try out for the team, obviously! I get a text, its from Sorcha, "Hi, crap match, hope you're ok, you should have been playing". Which is loike her way of saying she loike totally