1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

Right, here's the deal : read this one first, then write the names of YOUR top 16 and answer the questions on them and repost it. sound simple enough???

1 Rory
2 Alec
3 Sean
4 Orla
5 Sarah Dee
6 Avril
7 Eddy
8 Chris
9 Shauna
10 Joleen
11 Amie
12 Shaunette
13 Ian
14 Steven
15 Joanne
16 Charlie

Q: Have you ever kissed 6?:
A: Pffft. No.

Q. Whats your least favourite thing about number 13?
A: He's pretty much never wrong about things.....

Q:Whats ur fav thing to do with no.9?
A: Eh, dunno really, hang out in town? go to gigs? talk?

Q: When's the next time you're gonna see 4?
A: Probably sometime within the next few days

Q: Is number 8 pretty?
A: Ah sure, he's grand......pfffft.

Q: What was your first impression of number 7?
A: Why is he squinting?...

Q: How did you meet 3?:
A: Well, he was in my primary school and he had all 5 exodia yu-gi-oh cards! C'mon like.

Q: Do you think 12 would kill someone?
A: Erm, maybe Garry? Nah she wouldn't.....


Q. How long have you known number 13?
A. Since last September I guess?

Q: Have you seen 3 naked?
A. No

Q: Do you think 5 has a crush on you?
A: Well, she is my wife

Q: What is the last thing you did with 6?
A: Hung out in town, went to O'Briens

. If you could give anything to number 15 what would it be?
A. A lifetime supply of Pink Lady apples

Q. Would u and number 16 make a good couple?
A. God no!

Q. If number 14 was a crayon, what colour would s/he be?
A. Blue or Yellow.....or Red.....possibly Green

Q: Have you ever been to 1's house?
A. Not yet actually

Q: Have you ever slept in the same bed as 2?:
A: I don't think so

Q: When's the next time you'll see 5?
A: Probably Monday? The Meadowlands gig

Q: Are you real close to 1?:
A: Yeah I suppose, all we do is make awful jokes

Q: Have you ever kissed 11?
A: Nah, she's like a sister to me

Q: Have you ever been to the movies with 10?
A: Hell Yeah!

Q. Whats number 13 house like??
A. Don't know yet, I'm not allowed go there he says

Q: Have you ever been angry with 12:
A: Nah, I don't see her often enough to get angry at her

Q: Would you ever make a move on 16?
A: Hell No!

Q: What do you and number 4 talk about the most?
A: Secret stuff gossip in general

Q: Do you ever talk to 9?
A: Yeah, she's cool

Q: Are you real close to 2?
A: Yup we go socialising the whole time

1. "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them
serious."
(Alan Minter)

2. "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch
this
morning and it was amazing ! "
(Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator)

3. "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside
of
him."
(New Zealand rugby commentator Murray Mexted)

4. "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
(Ted Walsh - horse racing commentator)

5. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
my body."
(Winston Bennett)

6. "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one
behind it,
which is identical."
(Murray Walker - F1 racing commentator)

7. "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my father and
mother."
(Greg Norman)

8. "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect
the same thing again."
(Terry Venables - Soccer Coach)

9. "I would not say that David Ginola is the best left
winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
(Ron Atkinson - soccer coach)

10. "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge
president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
(Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977)

11. "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got
eleven Dicks on the field"
(Metro Radio)

12. "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to
hang in the air for even longer."
(David Acfield)

13. "What will you do when you leave football, Jack. Will
you stay in football?"
(Stuart Hall Radio 5 live)

14. "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight,
opening his legs and showing his class."
(David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)

15. "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so
well is that before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them....Oh My God! What have I just
said?!!!"
(US PGA Commentator)

16. "For those of you who are watching in black and white,
the blue is behind the brown."
(Ted Lowe, Snooker commentator)

17. True story... a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and
asked...

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

... Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too as they were laughing so hard!