---Rules of Shotgun---

Everyone should know this.

1. You must be able to see the car in question.
2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey, you are automatically given shotgun, untill you violate the other shotgun laws and thus, forfeit your position, the seat is yours.
3. You cannot declare shotgun if someone has previosuly declared shotgun for that journey.
4. When simultaneous shotgun is called, there is then a foot race to the passenger side door from the all the people who called.
5. Shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless you are in a multi storey or underground car park!).
6. Shotgun cant be called in advance, only whilst on the way to the car for the journey.
7. On the call shotgun if the driver wants to mix things up a bit or plain dont like the person who called shotgun they can call reload, this means that all calls of shotgun before the reload are void and the first person to call shotgun again gets the seat. This is often used when there is a simultanious call and the driver is unsure of the outcome, also a shotgun can have 2 barrels so a reload can only be called once.
8. Ja rob rule - If hes in the car shotgun now means back left so he cant punch you every time a yellow car goes past.
9. Once shotgun has been called for the front seat then back left and back right can be called, thus leaving the fifth person who is travelling in the middle(or the "bitch" seat).
10. Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. i.e. women don't own the front seat!
11. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
12. Once the journey is underway, the person occupying shotgun becomes controller of stereo/radio and it is their duty to sort out the tunes.
HOWEVER, if this person is being an arse, abusing their position and pissing everyone off with crap choice of music/constantly changing/or just generally not in control then the driver can stop the car, tell them to give up shotgun and then it is up for grabs for all other persons in the car.
13. Shoe Rule - Anyone calling shotgun must have their shoes on, this is to stop people running outside and calling shotgun, then having to go back inside to put their shoes on, thus slowing the journey.
14. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsy's and and other girly calls!
15. Despite the debate, shotgun can be used to shotgun things other than the front seat(e.g. back left, back right, women, not going to answer the door, etc).
16. If travelling with a couple, one of the couple must shotgun the front.....no one wants to chauffer two of their mates whilst they are sat in the back all over each other
17. If someone has successfully called shotgun, this gives them no right whatsoever to correct the driver on their navigation skills ("take a left here you dickhead!") or driving ability ("I'd be in third gear if i was drving") if the passenger does this then they forfeit their position as shotgun holder
18. if someone says "whats shotgun?" after it has been called then they have to walk
19. If you come up to the car and you already have whos shotgun...the driver gets in and reaches over to unlock the shotgun door. If shotgun opens it before its actually unlocked...(this happens when the driver is still trying to unlock it and person pulls on handle) they have to give up there rights as shotgun. Therefore...shotgun suicide!
20. The successful shotgunner, in the front of a vehicle, assumes the responsibility for all gate opening, off licence nipping into, takeaway ordering and question asking. He/she is, in essence the co-pilot and therefore the enforcer of behaviour in the vehicle and exacter of slaps/punches/water spraying/bag throwing at the passengers in the back.
21. Automatic "couple's rights act 1997". This is that, if the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.

5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and- as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful and dangerous than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18,TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized shit.

25, CALLING YOUR MATE A CUNT - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".

one.
If you're ugly,
stop acting like you don't know it.
The captions under you picture that says
"top model pose"
"sexy bitch"
"arnt i hot"
doesn't convince anyone.


two.
To the people who have like 25,000 friends,
are you serious?
Nobody in this universe can keep up with that many friends.
You're stupid.
Go play in traffic.


three.
Don't ever post pictures and say
"OMG, I'm so ugly"
"OMG,I'm so fat"
because if you were,
you wouldn't post them.


four.
Nobody cares about threats over the internet.
Don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard.
Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics;
even if you win,
you're still retarded.


five.
Making 20 bulletins a day
about how you have new pictures
and begging people to comment on them is pathetic.
Make the bulletin once if you have to,
and those who actually care about you
will comment on your pics.


six.
If all your pictures look the same,
don't post them all.
Please put some variety in your pics.
Nobody wants to see your face
8 different ways.


seven.
Who really cares if
I don't accept you as a friend?
MOVE ON!!!
Don't send me another request or message asking
"what's up with you not adding me?"
I don't want you as a friend;
that's what's up!


eight.
Little 6th graders who have bebos
and look like sluts,
go somewhere else
because nobody wants you here.!!!


nine.
If you have decided to read this,
you are a true bebo Friend.
Real friends read their bulletins.


ten.
I say you go and pass this on
and maybe it will finally get through people's brains
(if they have them).


eleven.
And if you open a msg and it says something like
"repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape your dog tonight,"
IT'S NOT REAL!
QUIT BEING AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!
PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO LIFE WHATSOEVER MAKE THAT SHIT UP THINKING THAT PEOPLE WILL FALL FOR THEIR STUPID TRAP!!! AND YOU DO!!!!

This is a test to see how many people
in your friends list
actually pay attention to you.