26 ways to make a girl smile
1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. when she

28 things you didnt
know about David Hasslehoff.......................

1. David Hasselhoff once walked down the street with a massive
erection. There were no survivors.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
Hasselhoff allows to live.

3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Crap!
That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had had sex with him. At that
point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects
David Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room
itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around
the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to
pay him back.

8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.


10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't
get wet. The water gets David instead. David Hasselhoff is
the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

12. In fine print at on the last page of the
Guiness Book ofWorld Records it notes that all world records are held
by David Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the
closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses
to put up with lactose's Shit.

14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying
glass. At night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even
touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in
between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat
itself out of fear.

19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded
gun and won.

20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar,a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky
child to be thrown into the sun.

22. David Hasselhoff doesn't believe in condoms. Instead,
he sticks his Penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while shagging another.

23. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself
up, he's pushing the Earth down.

24. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it
in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away
as an inferno erupts behind him.

25. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the
entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise
invented pink.

26. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse"
after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

27. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

28. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets
an immovable object" was finally solved when David
Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.