Insulting Women
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Your so narrow minded when you walk your earings knock together.

Your lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar.

Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this
will
keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
(or
if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries.
this
will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls
are
like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she
is
say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will
show
her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her
fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and
every
girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then
when
she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because
jewelry
is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she
is,
stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls
ass.
Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she
thinks
it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard.
when
she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're
really
going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts
crying and
asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very
quietly
into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those
special
nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket...
then
you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't
stop
bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a
black
eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the
bathroom
(they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys
dying
and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
kick
the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10
minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home
and
you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her
self
confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down
desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes,
earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the
pair.
This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt
and say
no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that
speaks for
her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a
spontaneous guy.

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell
on
it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm
talking
about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its
just
the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop
crying
you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no.
this
way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her
material
objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she
keeps
you h