1. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

2. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"

3. Shout in the lab "It takes alkynes to make a world!"

4. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again...not again...not again."

5. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

6. Deny the existence of chemicals.

7. Begin pronouncing everything your lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

8. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

9. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the supfuric acid.

10. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.

1. You wonder what absolute alcohol tastes like with orange juice

2. You can tell what cheap and expensive white coats look like

3. You can't watch CSI without cursing at least one scientific
inaccuracy

4. You use acronyms for everything and never stop to elaborate

5. Liquid nitrogen is only about a 1/3 as dangerous as you thought

6. You always seem to use the microscope after the person with the impossibly close together eyes

7. Accident reports are a badge of honour

8. You've wondered why you can't drink distilled water in the lab - It should be clean?

9. You give the lab equipment motivational pep talks such as "Work for me today or i'll reprogram you with a fire axe"

10. You've worked out that a trained chimp could probably do 90% of your job

11. When a non-scientist asks you what you do for a living you roll your eyes and talk science at them until they've lost the will to live (mainly for fun)

12. You have to check the web to find out what the weather is outside

13. You realize that almost anything can be classed as background reading

14. People wearing shorts under a lab coat disturb you slightly as they look as though they might be naked underneath

15. Although all cooking is a glorified chemistry experiment you just still can't seem to get it right

16. Safety equipment is optional unless it makes you look cool

17. Warning labels invoke curiosity rather than caution

18. You know which part of the lab you can chill out undisturbed on friday afternoon (under the bench!)

19. You decide the courses and conference you want to go on by the quality of the food served

20. You are strangely proud of the collection of junk you've stolen from vendors at trade shows

21. You've used dry ice to cool beer down

22. No matter what the timings in the experiment protocol there is always time for lunch in the middle

23. You can no longer spell normal words but have no trouble with spelling things like ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid or deoxyribonucleic acid

24. Burning eyes, nose and throat indicate that you haven't actually turned on the fumehood

25. Your slightly too fond of the smell of Xylene/Chloroform/Ethanol/Undergra
 ds/
Alcoholic handwash

26. You've left the lab wearing a piece of PPE because you forgot you had it on

27. You bitch about not being able to pipette by mouth any more

28. Security come round at 2 am wondering why the lights are still on only to find you with your arms up to your elbows in a glovebox

29. You have made some kind of puppet out of a nitrile glove and kept it as a pet (Putting dry ice in makes for a rapidly expanding if short lived pet)

30. You have an irresistible urge to rip your shirt off superman stylie cos it has press stud fasteners just like your lab coat.....Most often occurring as you walk through a door just like exiting the lab.... (The worlds of strippers and lab workers collide, not pretty)

31. You still get amusement out of "freezing" things in liquid nitrogen!

32. Blinking real fast has saved your eyesight on more than one occasion.

33. You've removed your gloves to find a small hole which has left you with either - wrinkly old person hands, a brightly coloured finger(histologists especially) or a burning sensation and dermatitis at some point.

34. You've bent down to pick something up off the floor only to scatter the contents of your top pocket.

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender,

"Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde woman
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler

Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,

"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."