1) You start exclaiming, "Holy, Hannah!"

2) You dress up mannequins like the members of SG1 and pretend to be General Hammond as you give them orders.

3) You continually try to stab your friends with needles in order to cure them of 'alien infections' that they have picked up 'off-world.'

4) You catch yourself responding "Jaaack" to an annoying co-worker whose name is actually Tim.

5) You start singing "Row, row, row you boat" out of the blue.

6) You begin claiming to know all the secrets of the universe and that your worst enemy is a Goa'uld.

7) You shout "Kree!" when you want get attention.

You know the meaning of the word "Kree."

9) You start screaming at your friends in Goa'uld when they've upset you even though you don't understand half of what you're saying.

10) You do a double take every time you pass that same car with the gas tank lock that looks like the Stargate symbol for earth.

11) You introduce yourself by saying, "I'm Daniel Jackson. This is Major Samantha Carter, Colonel Jack O'Neill..."

12) Your response to most questions and statements is "Ya think?"

13) You forced all your friends to watch Stargate DVD's with you and yelled at them when they looked away from the screen, telling them that they were, "Missing all the good parts!!"

14) Your friends now all say they love Stargate, but you're not sure whether it's because of their actual love of the show or their fear of you forcing them to watch.

15) Your new personal mission is to make Stargate fans out of your children's friends.

16) You take up archeology so that you can discover some hidden Goa'uld technology.

17) You begin calling every listing for Daniel Jackson and Jack O'Neill in the phonebook (starting in the state of Colorado), asking them what they know about the Stargate Program.

1 You greet your co-workers by saying, "Good morning, campers!"

19) Whenever you're confused, you respond with a raised eyebrow.

20) You begin to understand the basics of astrophysics.

21) A new employee or student arrives and you start following them around to make sure they're not a Goa'uld spy.

22) You begin to think that the vitamins you're taking my have altered your memory.

23) You prop a toothpick up on the inside of your door and a hair on the windowsill that you climb out of.

24) You take apart your electrical appliances to make gemstones.

25) You touch every mirror you see hoping to be transported to an alternate universe.

26) You strap your VCR remote to your wrist and enter your 'IDC' every time you go through a door.

27) You know the scientific explanation of an event horizon.

2 You insist the television show is just a cover for the real thing.

29) Your main ambition in life is to join the Stargate program.

30) You go to court and have your family's names changed to Jack, Sam, Daniel, Teal'c and Janet.

31) You name all your pets after the characters: Dr. Jackson, Dr. Fraiser, Major Carter, Col. O'Neill, Teal'c, and the bad cat next door that chases the birds after Hathor or any other Goa'uld.

32) You paint all your phones red and when they rings, you answer by saying, "Yes, Mr. President?"

33) You learn to read hieroglyphics so you can really understand what Daniel's talking about.

34) While doing research on Egypt, you subconsciously correct the books as you read them, inserting what you know of the Goa'uld, the Asgard and the Ancients.

35) You paint Stargate symbols around the rim of your Toilet seat to make it fun and exciting when you flush (Use of blue bleach optional).

36) You attempt to heal friends, family, and co-workers with a brooch strapped to your hand.

37) You think the St. Louis arch is really the top half of a giant Stargate sticking out of the ground and are lobbying Congress to dig the rest up and turn it on.

3 You can tell what season of Stargate a rerun is from the length of Major Carter's hair.

39) You play the Stargate

1)thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.(why wait THAT LONG?)

2)thou shall not do drugs (alcohol lasts longer)


3)thou shall not steal from k-mart.(Wal*Mart has a bigger selection)


4)thou shall not get arrested for vandalism. (destruction has
a bigger effect)

5)thou shall not steal from thy parents. (every-1 knows grandma has more money)

6)thou shall not get in fights.(just start them)


7)thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)


thou shall not strip in class. (hooters pays more)

9)thou shall not think about having sex.(as nike sayz-- just do it)

10)thou shall not help old ladies cross the street.(just leave them in the middle

Season 9

Avalon Part 1 [9.1]

Vala Mal Doran: I haven't been this disappointed since Daniel and I had sex.

Avalon Part 2 [9.2]

Vala Mal Doran: I think at first it's what I didn't say. You see, apparently there's a blessing you're supposed to recite over the leaves before you drink, which nobody warned me about. Then I think it's what I did say. I was trying to politely explain what was going on and then his wife started screaming and accusing me of being overcome. At which point I believe I suggested she might want to think about procreation…with herself."

The Ties that Bind [9.4]

[about Vala]
Gen. Landry: She accused the Chairman of the Senate Appropriations Committee of having a, uh, let's just call it an 'inappropriate manhood.' She's gotta go.

Off the Grid [9.16]

Gen. Landry: An eventful few days. Debrief in one hour.
Lt. Col. Mitchell: We have got the best jobs in the world, don't we?
Lt. Col. Carter: I'm gonna hit the shower.
Dr. Jackson: I'm gonna find the doctor.
Teal'c: We are indeed suitably employed.

Crusade [9.19]

Teal'c: You have been impregnated, without copulation.
Vala Mal Doran: Yes! And I'm absolutely terrified - have any of you ever heard anything like it?
Lt. Col. Mitchell: W-Well.. there is one.
Teal'c: Darth Vader.
Vala Mal Doran: Really? How did that turn out?

Camelot [9.20]

Dr. Jackson: It's not meant to be taken literally, but we have seen a lot of legends and folklore have a strong basis in fact—Avalon, Atlantis…
Teal'c: The Easter bunny.
Dr. Jackson: I guess there's a few exceptions.


Dr. Jackson: Uh, oh.
Lt. Col. Mitchell: What's 'uh, oh'?
Dr. Jackson: Nothing happened.
Lt. Col. Mitchell: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
[someone screams]
Jackson & Mitchell: Bad.


Dr. Jackson: Look, you're making a mistake. There is no curse. The black knight is a security feature created by Merlin through the use of science and advanced technology. There is no magic invol---
[SG-1 is beamed aboard the Odyssey]


Dr. Jackson: There is no magic.
[Jackson and Mitchell are beamed aboard the Korolev]
Dr. Jackson: Boy, my timing's off today.