1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

11. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are drunk However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

12. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

13. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

14. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

15. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

16. TAKING OUT 200 POUNDS FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

17. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

18. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

19. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

20. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

21. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

22. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo.

No other fans of other scottish football teams will ever understand what its like to support Hibernian. how much success means, to know that everything your father brought you up to believe in will come true one day,
to dream of the days that he talks about, the turnbulls tornadoes era, we are on the brink, and by 4:45pm on sunday 18th march i hope to know that feeling of satisfaction,to know success,im old enough to remember the hands off hibs campaign and i know that if it were not for the supporters and the club uniting in those dark days, my only other memory of glory in 1991 wouldnt have been.just a shame i didnt Realise then the true love i have of my club. but this is now and we are there again!
so if hibs win the cis league cup i will feel the same satisfaction and love that my elders talk about, to know that they have watched their club, my club, the football club, the peoples club, taste success once again. its a feeling u cant substitute...........

WE ARE HIBERNIAN FC

Well folks thats now a year since me n ross attempted.....and succeeded in the 100 can challenge so here's a wee blog 2 commemorate it!!100 cans of tennents in 1 week, love it!!
Think I can honestly say that we will never be the same again after that!!

Also a big shout out 2 every1 who supported us n spurred us on to complete it, gogs, joe, shaun, jay, cat, jamie n grant....oh n grant when i tell u that u cant have a smoked sausage.....it doesnt mean u can go away n cook it u tit!!

Preparation-purchase the 100 cans. This basically involved me and ross going in2 asda n walking out with 8 crates of tennents in a trolley to load in2 the car....shoulda seen every1s faces in asda....was a sight lol

Day 1-Started off pretty well managed 2 get thru about 15/16 cans each 2day and had a good laugh at graham rix being appointed the hearts job.....especially after sky sports showed his record at different clubs......pl 47 won 9-what a manager lol oh n then we had grant with the smoked sausage incident!!

Day 2-The plan was that me n ross could drink from about 11 on our days off so we could pace ourselves over the 12/13 hours we were drinking!!however this was not 2 be the case as we didnt feel as though we could face a drink till about dinnertime most days!so off 2 dunfermline 4 the football with an ice box crammed full of cans for the journey up and back!!as a result i dont think i remember the score that day...well certainly dont want 2 lol

Day 3-This was ma worst day 4 drinking...only got thru about 11 or 12 when we needed to be keeping up an average of 15 a day!!ross tanked thru this day with about 18 cans to be well on his way to completion.

Day 4-back on track!!managed to catch up on ross a bit 2day as he was working till 10!!This was also the day that we started to think 'what have we let ourselves in 4!!'

Day 5-The best day out the whole week-Party day!!!despite having around about 55 cans each before 2day me n ross were able to tank thru 21 cans each 2day!!!what a night that was...i think, think jay n ross went to the casino about 4am aswell!!

Day 6-ross is feeling the effects of the previous night and has a lacklustre performance only managing 9 cans!Since i got more sleep than ross i was better prepared n got thru 15 cans.Today, we both started getting pains in our chest and down our side when we were just sitting down which started to get very worrying. However...going into the last day leaving 9 cans required for me and 12 for ross we decided to see out the week!! apparently there was a football game on 2day aswell Scotland 1-1 USA.

Day 7- The final day!!!With us both working till 4 or 6 n with the pitz that night, we left in till the last 4 hours of the day to get thru the cans!!Make it we did, I finished about half an hour before ross as a result of me having less cans to drink on the last day!!! But we managed it!!!

So the challenge was completed and we were certified alcoholics 4 the week and i can honestly say that I will NEVER become an alcoholic as ive had a brief insight into what it feels like and it was not a gd thing!!Must say despite feeling like we were gonna die towards the end of the week, the banter that took place throughout the week more than made up 4 it!!

WHAT A WEEK!!!!

also a special thanks to joe as the challenge was his brainchild and to the ones who brought me in2 this world 4 deciding to go to florida for 2 weeks n leaving the house and the opportunity to take on the challenge to me and ross!!!

100 cans of tennents in 1 week!!! LOVE IT!!!!