Chuck norris doesnt churn butter he roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
when chuck norris doea pushups he doesnt push himself up he pushes the world down.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. to bad he never cries.
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity......twice.
When the boogey man goes to sleep every night he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he's scared of the dark,because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris dosn't read books , he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
While riding the elevator Chuck Norris never pushes the buttons,the elevator just better know what floor Chuck Norris nedds to be on.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pisses.
Chuck Norris dosn't use chat up lines, he simply says "Now".
Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horse's are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more woman than most men.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters,and by "knit" i mean "kick" and by "sweaters" i mean "babies".
Chuck Norris dosn't go hunting, hunting implies the posibility of failure,Chuck Norris goes "killing".
Chuck Norris can divide by 0........what a man
Chuck Norris can touch m.c. hammer.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Cars were invented to have a faster way to flee from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car crash.
Simaler to a russian nesting doll ,if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear but because can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not know about this site, if he did he would delete the internet.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime.Chuck Norris calls this "a slow tuesday".
Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.
Anyone can piss on the bathroom floor, but Chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling.
Chuck Norris' girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted,"HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESCENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriends bloody throat in his hand he bellowed,"DON'T FUCK WITH CHUCK!". Two years and five months later he realised the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf

1."It Aint Braggin If You Can Back It Up.."

2."Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."

3."God gave me this illness to remind me that I'm not number One; he is."

4."The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."

5. "Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them-a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill."

6.I hated every minute of training, but I said, ''Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.''

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when
your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to
have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy
ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
1 The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you
at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half
way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
got your hand or head stuck in something.
2 No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has
had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping
on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.