"Pints flat out for half the price, then down to the chinkers for chicken fried lice.

Fuck dat der! to the bat-cave we go, then round to the corner to smoke some blow.

Gonna start some fights, gonna knock boys out. Fancy a fair dig just give'us a shout cos i looks tight as fuck with my pints'a stout.

5 E's and a bottle'a toilet duck, gonna grab a minger and head for a fuck ,No Cred in the phone for a Joe baxi home so i do a line'a coke to stay in the zone.

So here comes closing time and the end of me rhyme, this rap was so shit it should be a crime!"

The 28 Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, unless she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effo

Forget what they tell you..........SPIDES do exist.

They are all around us, feeding on the fear of unsuspecting old age pensioners. They leech to the fabric of socity like vermin, abusing and corrupting our lives to enritch there own in a sick and disturbed way!!!

They are all around us, in work..... at School..... even in our own neigbhourhood!!!! you may not even know it, but they are there......WATCHING......WAITING.

you may not believe me, but I tell you no lie!! as the sun sets and a shadow is cast over the land at the end of each day, they awaken!! with one thing in mind, to FEED!!!!!

so they set out, with there FRED PERRY and the NIKE AIR MAKIES, to the nearest offlicence to draw energy!!! and from only one thing can such an energy be drawn........... A bottle of BLUE!!!!!

REFUELED they scatter, to the clubs, bars and streets where they carry out these deed`s, feeding on the weak and the poor!!!then, disapearing into the darkness for the next night!!

BEWARE

Courtesy of badger!! lmao