Haha, stolen off the Drunken Txt Appreciation Society, for those of u who dont f*** up their lives every weekend....cellphones are EVil!!!


The 11 categories of the drunken text

1) The "fishing" text.
This text is normally along the lines of: "So wot u up 2 later?" or "U out tonight?", or simply "Ocean?"
Despite appearing innocent at first, this type of text is far from it. Sent at 3am, this generally should be translated as:"Im drunk, horny and haven't pulled tonight. Where is my back up shag? I wanna come round and jump your bones right now!"

Typical response rate is around 10%. The determinates of a successful "fishing" text are alcohol levels in the person receiving the text, how filthy they are, and your marginal propensity to sleep.

A "fishing" text is at its worst wen sent to an ex. Just dont do it! Remove her number from your phone, or, do what i did, simply put "No" after/b4 her name in your phone book as a gentle reminder to avoid embarrassing yourself.

(Apparently the aussie's have got this sorted. You can ring up a company b4 you got out and have a specific number barred from your phone for the night! Awesome!)


2) The "T9" classic
For those geeks up on your phone lingo "T9" refers to the predictive text facility found on most mobile phones. Such a programme, whilst useful during the day, can wreak havoc whilst texting under the influence of alcohol.

My personal favourites:
"In supermarket. Fucking steve." Thanks Camilla Begg (London)

"wish i was inside your gorgeous aunt right now" (thanks Colette- Nottingham)

The local boozer in town is called the crown, so wen my 'mate dave' asked a particularly nice female if she wanted to meet up:
''fancy gettin food in the crown?''it inevitably got written as:

''fancy gettin done in the brown?''(Special thanks to James Osborne - Sheffield Hallam for that one!)

"Fancy a dual?"

This last one is also classed as a "fishing" text since, as u may have realised, "dual" should say "fuck".
Fortunately, the girl i sent this baby to saw the funny side and hadn't been drinking. She sent the following reply:

"Andy, unfortunately i hav no desire to don full body armour, a sword, and a shield, grab my horse and ride over to urs for a "dual". Oh, and i certainly dont want sex with u!"

3) The "friend locator" text
The only type of text to be sent without sexual motivation. Picture the following situation:

You've just met some chick and your mates have fucked off to leave u to it. At which point she realises your chat stinks and she makes an excuse to go find her friends. U are left alone to fend for yourself. You reach for your mobile phone and attempt to call your frends several times b4 realising they will not be able to hear them ring. Your solution is to send the following message:
"Wher u? Ho on dancefloor"
Or some other incomprehensible crap...this is abt the time u accept the fact u will be paying for the entire taxi fare home, or play that game outside the club where u go up to people u loosely recognise and start asking "burnside anyone?".
Response rate: 0.01%

4) "Declarations of undying love"
No doubt the most embarassing of the drunken texts. Do you recognise any of the following?

"You are the most beautiful girl in the world!" - Ergh!

"I love u!" "Love you millions"

"Why cant all guys be as fit like you!"

"Missing you!" / "I miss you so much!" (My personal worst - I'm always sending it)

"Im so into you right now."

It should be noted that for no apparent reason the number of kisses on the end of the text increases to some exponential figure. x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Response rate: 0% and by sheer coincidence thats exactly how much sex you'll be getting from her after sending it. And also the amount of respect her housemates will have for u after she shows it to them.

5) "Family texts"
Doesnt happen to many, but to those few who accidentily text the parents, it can be disastrous. Normally,

Hehe, I've always wanted to know this - which of the grls from Sex & the City am I most like...

The results are:

***You Are Most Like Samantha!***


For you, dating is the ultimate sport
You're into guys with power, looks, or a lot of money.
You rather have a great two weeks than a great forever.
But even you fall victim to love from time to time.


Romantic prediction: You'll find love in the next few months...But you'll be the last one to realize it.


Go to: http://www.blogthings.com/whichsexan...

Hey, um being the bogan that I am I misentered my own question in my own quiz...so re question 11, the correct response is 'Sacred' though thats actually not the right answer. SOrry, my bad