1. Friendly fire - Isn't.

2. Interchangeable parts - Aren't

3. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

4. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you

5. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

6. Teamwork is essential, it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

7. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

8. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

9. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

10. Incoming fire has the right of way.

11. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

12. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

13. Tracers work both ways.

14. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

15. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

16. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

17. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the user of it.

18. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. No matter which way you have to march, it's always uphill.

20. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want but they know damn sure what they don't want.

21. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honour.

22. The Most dangerous thing in the field is an officer with a map.

23. As soon as hot food is served in the field, it rains.

24. The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.

25. Things that must go together to work, are never be shipped together.

26. The CQ has only 3 sizes, too big, too small and "on order".

27. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.

28. Uncrating and assembly instructions are always inside the crate.

29. If you find yourself in front of your platoon, they know something you don't.

30. Do not call Irish Army cooks ‘ration assassins’

31. MP’s are not glorified parking attendants

32. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

33. RDF Infantry units dont shout ‘medic’ when they are hurt, they shout ‘mammy’

Army barmy
1.Cle is your left.

2.The Corporal never does anything for his/her own enjoyment.

3.This is not a Chinese parliament.

4."Get it done" Is the favorite phrase of an NCO.

5.When on the ground, use the designated toilet area.

6.Do not stroll out 20 yards in front of your bivvy and go to toilet.

7.When getting ambushed in the night don't start screaming "Charlie's in the trees!"

8.Likewise, don't start yelling "The Germans are coming"

9.Velcro is there for a reason.

10.Camo up everything is not to be taken literally.

11.The NCO is always right

12.The Officer is always right.

13.When Officer and NCO contradict each other, use better judgment.

14.If the NCOs wanted us to smile they would take us down to the armory and issue us all with smiles.

15.The sheep are not laughing at me.

16.The PDF however are laughing at my marching

17.Rumors should not be believed, even if the NCO/Officer starts them.

18.There is no such thing as a half-day in the army.

19.We are on government time.

20.Being hungover on duty is a chargeable offence, if you're caught.

21.Mass parade will be made available to all persons.

22.Mass parade will only take place if enough people sign up for it.

23.Blank ammunition can kill.

24.Its still safe though.

25.I will not trick the NCO's into saying they are firing blanks today.

26.I will not trick the new recruits into saying that they enjoyed their camp experience.

27.Despite my own opinion, Kilbride is not a deserted wasteland.

28.Participation in the "Fun evening recreation" is mandatory.

29.When,after shower parade, the large Sgt asks you did you enjoy that, you reply YES, not re

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations

Friendly fire - isn't.
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. & when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five second fuses always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

Weather ain't neutral.

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.

'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.

The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

Napalm is an area support weapon.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Interchangeable parts aren't.

It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

If two things are required to make something work, they will never be shipped together.

Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

If yo