LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?

LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch.

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.

LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When you couldn't give a damn.
MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.

LOVE - When nobody else matters.
LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we >>know
the batteries are flat?

2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when
>>they know there is not enough?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are
>>four billion stars, but check when you say the
paint is wet?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

5. Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal
>>injection?

6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but
ducks when you throw a gun at him?

>8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

>9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

>10. What is the speed of darkness?

11. Are there specially reserved parking spaces for
>>"normal" people at the Special Olympics?

12. If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?


13. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's
>>going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how
cold will it be?

14. If people evolved from apes, why are there still >>apes?

15. If it's true that we are here to help others, what >>are
the others doing here?

>16. Do married people live longer than single ones or >>does
it only seem longer?

17. If someone with a split personality threatens to
>>commit suicide is it a hostage
situation?

>18. Can you cry under water?

19. What level of importance must a person have, before
>>they are considered assassinated instead of just
murdered?

20. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
>>branches?

21. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>22. How is it that we put man on the moon before we
>>figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels
on bigger suitcases?

23. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours ?

24. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
>>called a hearing?

25. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then >>put
money in binoculars to look at things on the
ground?