Liz Rettig

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Me, Myself, and I
Hi
I write funny romantic novels mainly for teens but loads of adults read them so they can look back and laugh (or cringe). I live in Glasgow, Scotland with my husband and teenage son who's been a good sport about having a mum who writes chick-lit. My lovely daughter has recently flown the nest but still helps edit my books - bless her. You can find out more about me and my books plus read some fun stuff about dating, love and writing on my website http://www.lizrettig.com

You can also check out my books on bebo.

www.bebo.com/mydesperatelovediary

www.bebo.com/noworneverdiary

www.bebo.com/jumpingtoconfusions

www.bebo.com/mydatingdisasters
Films
Dirty Dancing
The Bourne Identity
Shawshank Redemption
Bridget Jones

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  • Dating Tips For Girls - How to Find and Keep Your Perfect Man

    Where to find a date:

    * Your school, college or work place: Yes, lots of romances have started with a scribbled note on a paper aeroplane launched across the classroom or a cheeky email from the guy in Sales offering to help review your statistics. But remember, everyone will be aware when you're a couple. Don't pretend you can keep it secret - they will find out, trust me. And of course everyone will know if you break up too. Also you'll have to see your ex every day afterwards. As for crushes on your teacher, lecturer or boss. No! No! No!
    * Places where guys go: Game shops, sports grounds, pubs with cheap beer and Sky TV. Only problem is some guys might be too absorbed to notice you there even if you pole danced naked in front of them.
    * Internet dating: The good news is this has removed the sad lonely hearts stigma dating agencies used to have and can be a cool, fab way to find a date. Lots of people I know have even hooked up with The One like this. But remember, people can and do tell porkies online. And post absurdly flattering pictures. So the fit young lad you were expecting to meet could turn out to be a fifty-five year old accountant with halitosis. Or worse, some dodgy character with scarred face, black teeth and a suspicious sauna business. So be careful and remember your online safety rules if you don't want to end up disappointed. Or dismembered.


    What not to do on a date:

    * Before the date don't experiment with major changes in appearance especially your hair. So no 'funky' hair cuts which will make you look like a butch lesbian unless that's what you're aiming for. And no poodle perms. Please.
    * Don't wear anything too uncomfortable or fiddly on the day like that "miracle" stay-on strapless bra which will work its way down to your waist and poke out underneath your jumper.
    * Or anything too outrageously sexy. No black lace bustiers or crotch skimming red leather skirts. You don't want to look as though you charge by the hour.
    * On the other hand don't wear any little girly stuff either. Sparkly hair bands or pink plastic jewellery are for kids - if you're old enough to go on a date then you don't need these.
    * On the date don't talk about your ex, shopping or your personal problems. He doesn't want to know.
    * And never ever do any of these. Get drunk. Tell dirty jokes. Sleep with him. Sorry, but your mother was right, if you want a second date act like a nice girl - at least at first.


    What to do on a date:

    * Wear discreetly sexy clothes - the little black dress or your favourite bum enhancing jeans.
    * Look your best, be approachable and smile a lot. OK, now I realise this advice won't please some feminists and I'd love to say guys don't care about appearances and just want girls to be intelligent, informed and witty but, hey. . . there must be some reason Brad Pitt and Daniel Craig don't answer my calls.
    * Guys like to talk about themselves so encourage them. Try asking questions like: 'So tell me, how often do you have to practise football, rugby, ludo, tiddlywinks (whatever) to become as good as you are?' And OK I know this sounds like awful agony aunt stuff. So completely cheesy. Sooo totally works like a dream. Try it.
    * Listen to your date. I repeat listen to your date. Guys love the attention. Anyway, you wanted to get to know him didn't you? And he'll find your interest attractive. Very.


    If you do all this, chances are all should go fantastically well on the night but there are no guarantees in romance so you might just want to check out. .



    Signs that a date is going wrong:

    * He doesn't turn up.
    * He turns up but after twenty minutes he gets a telephone call from a friend telling him he has to leave immediately because of some "urgent" improbable problem. His flat is on fire, his granny has lost her hip replacement, or he needs to take his budgie to the dentist. Whatever the excuse

    0 Commentaren 181 dagen

  • Dating Guide for Girls and Guys

    Because I write romantic comedies I've sometimes been asked for relationship advice in real life. No really I have! I mean, gobsmacked or what. Of course the only reason I'm able to write about romantic heroines making total arses of their love lives is that I've been there, done that, and wore the cringing embarrassment Tee shirt. Write about what you know they say, and yip, I 've made just about every gawd awful dating mistake /catastrophe in the book before finally getting it right(ish )and collapsing exhausted into my happy-ever-after (sort of) marital bed.

    But hey, come to think of it, maybe I am the very person to ask for relationship advice as I've had so much experience on what does and definitely does not work! So, for what it's worth, here's my dating advice for you all. Enjoy.

    Ever wished you could really understand the opposite sex? Here's a quick and easy guide for guys and gals.

    Girls Guide to Guys
    1. Guys like girls who are have perfect figures, gorgeous faces and are totally hot.
    2. Guys date girls who are attractive, approachable and smile a lot. OK, now I know this isn't very politically correct and I'd love to say guys love girls who are intelligent, feisty and funny but hey there must be some reason Brad Pitt and Daniel Craig don't answer my calls.
    3. Most guys prefer slim girls.
    4. I said slim not emaciated.
    5. Given a choice between slim and neurotic or slightly overweight and normal, guys choose normal. Every time. So if you know how many calories in a single Malteser don't share this information with him, he's not interested. Get a life.
    6. Most guys prefer blondes, so if you can go blonde, do so.
    7. I said if you can. If you have naturally very dark hair and skin and you go blonde you will look at first as though you've had an awful fright. A few weeks later you will have the dreaded Pint of Guinness hairstyle. Not a good look.
    8. Guys don't want to talk about diets, shopping or your exes.
    9.Guys want to talk about, guess what. Yeah themselves. Try open ended questions such as, "So tell me, how often do you have to practise football, rugby, Nintendo, ludo, tiddlywinks (whatever) to become as good as you are?"
    10. Remember there are more important things than boyfriends; like family, friends and chocolate. Not necessarily in that order.

    Guys Guide to Girls


    1. Girls like guys who are fit, with an amazing six pack and totally drop dead gorgeous.
    2. Girls date guys who are attractive, funny and don't smell.
    3. By funny I don't mean tells lots of fart jokes. I mean makes us laugh.
    4. The don't smell part is important so shower often and make frequent use of products like mouthwash and deodorant. This will be appreciated not just by girlfriends but also friends and family. Yes I know you don't care about friends and family because you're not going to snog / have sex with them but still it will be appreciated.
    5. Girls are attracted to guys who are nice but not too nice.
    6. Aaargh! What does that mean? Females are so bloody impossible to understand. Translation please! OK, relax and remember you heard it here first. Nice is surprising her with flowers/ chocolates (unless she's on a diet) and perfume occasionally just to show how special she is. Too Nice is spending all your pocket money / salary on taking her out but smiling understandingly when she is an hour and a half late. Way Too Nice is still smiling when she tells you at the end of the evening that though she 'likes you as a friend she doesn't think of you in that way' but you two must do this again soon. Got it? Good.
    7. Girls don't want to talk about farting, computers or your pet name for your willy.
    8. Girls want to talk a lot so let them. Show that you're listening by nodding agreement often, making sympathetic noises at the right time, and asking the odd intelligent question. You'll have to pay attention for this last one so try to focus on what she is saying rathe

    0 Commentaren 427 dagen

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 Liz has 24 books and 90 friends on Goodreads. (refresh)

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  • Chocolate
    luv Chocolate

    Really? I love it to...that makes the two of us...GO US :P ...sounds fab...any snippets you want me to test out? :P

    4 weken geleden
  • Chocolate
    luv Chocolate

    hiya how is all the writing going?

    5 weken geleden
  • Liz Rettig
    Liz Rettig

    Hi

    Thanks so much for your comments on my books. You'll probably be pleased to know that I've just agreed to write a sequel to My Now or Never Diary - it should be out next summer.

    Best wishes

    Liz

    18 weken geleden
  • Stolen
    Stolen

    hey !
    i just brought my dating disasters diary,my desperate love diary and my now or never diary and i finished them in a week :D i loved the books so much i could not put them down ! i think if ur not already writing a 4th book 2 theses then u should i wanna know more about Chris and Kelly ann and how their relationship works out !

    20 weken geleden
  • The Dickie Burd.
    luv The Dickie Burd.

    just dropped by to wish you all the best and say thanks, my teenage daughter read a book at last aged 14 and a half she enjoyed something other than the cinema/tv etc.So thanks again for writing for young people.I enjoyed jumping to confusions too.Off to Canada in June so will get her another for the plane.She will never be a reader but hey one has to try.janex

    36 weken geleden
  • Gerri Bowen
    luv Gerri Bowen

    Have a wonderful Birthday,Liz! :D

    41 weken geleden
  • That Girl
    That Girl

    I Loved your book Jumping To Confusions. I sooooo wish there was a second part !!! It was such a cliff hanger I realy wanted to read more!!

    43 weken geleden
  • Claira Jo
    luv Claira Jo

    Hope you enjoyed BRAW, see you there next time.

    x

    50 weken geleden
  • Saraah X
    Saraah X

    OMG!,Jumpin 2 Confusionz iz da bst bk in da world!! I sooo wish Josh was real he sounds so so FIT! And Cat seems realy cool. Again dis is da bst bk eva and i could read it over and over agen! I wish ther was a sequel that would b amazin! Thanx 4 writin it, it iz gr8! Lurvin jumpin 2 confusions! xxxxx bt unfortunatly no luvz left! Xx

    53 weken geleden via Mobiel
  • Claira Jo
    luv Claira Jo

    Just sent you an email, but here's some luv to say thanks again! You're a star!

    CJ
    x

    55 weken geleden
  • Evaa
    luv Evaa

    Todaayyyy Issss HALLOOWEENNN!!!!
    I'm so spooky it's scary :O

    Your book is second on my list of books to read
    I've gotta finish "The Seventeenth Secret of the Karma Club" first
    When I was in the Waterstone's buying your book, I was like: "THIS AUTHOR IS MY FRIEND ON BEBO!!!!" and "I KNOW THIS WOMEN!!!!"

    Anyvay (yes, I used the v on purpose)
    I am going Trick or Treatin' tonight
    I'm going with my buddy Danielle (on my friends list)
    She's going as a Fallen Angel
    I'm going as a vampire.
    A cute one.

    Happy Halloween
    From

    Eva :L

    PS Give out lots of candy, nice candy

    55 weken geleden
  • Evaa
    luv Evaa

    Hi Liz!
    I went shopping yesterday, and bought the "My Now or Never Diary" (by you)!!!
    Thats the second book of yours I bought!
    I had LOADS of bok money & voutchers, so i boght that and "The seventeenth secret of the karma club" (By Karen McCombie)
    Havent started it yet, I have a target of reading books one at a time (I used to have piles of half read books that I was reading at the same time)

    More money to YOU :D

    Happy Halloween (which is tommorow, from the date I am writing this)
    BOO! :O

    Haw haw haw :L
    Byee!

    From
    Eva

    56 weken geleden
  • Lugh Is Jack Harrowdine
    Lugh Is Jack Harrowdine

    Hi Thanx 4 adding me :) I am Jack, known as Mihte on account of my special powers of Magination. :) I was trapped in the Underworld and under the instructions of the Master of Fates.
    http://www.bebo.com/MihtesChallenge
    (¯`H´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    (¯`E´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    (¯`L´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    (¯`L´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    (¯`0´¯)
    `*.¸.*´ ¸.•¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•´ ...have a wonderful day!

    57 weken geleden
  • Ken Armstrong
    luv Ken Armstrong

    Hi Liz! :)

    Thanks for adding me and sorry to be a poor Bebo Correspondent - I really really come on here to sweep away spammers with a brush of my hand Swwwipppe (like that).

    I spend most of my time at a blog I keep

    http://www.kenwriting.com/

    so drop over sometime, I'll brew up a cup of virtual tea.

    k

    58 weken geleden
  • Tory Richards
    Tory Richards

    Hi Liz! Thanks for making me one of your top friends. Take care:)

    Debbie

    59 weken geleden
  • Teryl Cartwright
    luv Teryl Cartwright

    Thank you so much for the friend add! Best wishes with your writing.

    59 weken geleden
  • Children From The Sea
    Children From The Sea

    It is cool :D I really need a good publisher to take all the marketing out of my hands. Have you seen Jack http://www.bebo.com/MihtesQuest

    59 weken geleden
  • The Dickie Burd.
    luv The Dickie Burd.

    Hi Liz, Turkey was wonderful, a very chilled out holiday, we only booked a week and wished we had booked two.Normaly when we go away I am ready for home after the week but that's twice in Turkey and twice I wished it had been longer. We never tried the pipes just posed with them, wimps eh... Had a fantastic boat trip and a turkish bath.Now its back to real life and saving hard for Canada.Hope you are well and busy with your writing.all the best.janex

    61 weken geleden
  • Evaa
    luv Evaa

    Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!
    Me again!
    I'm eating Coco Pops for brekkie (SO nutricious!!) on a Tuesday morning.....

    Anyway, you asked me yesterday if I wanted to be an author........

    I dont know really......
    I haven't chosen what I really wanna do yet.
    When I was little, I wanted to make computar games, but at the mo I LOVE (Look, I can do the little symbol = ♥♥♥) art.
    Arrrgh, life choices are so DIFFICULT.

    From
    EVA!!!!!!!!
    (Yaaaay!)

    PS Smiley says bye. :D
    PPS When I typed this, mum came, read through it and said out loud all the spelling things that I did.

    62 weken geleden