1.What is your name? Sam
2.Are you comfortable with answering personal questions? Depends
3.Are you currently happy? Yip
4.Who did you last fight with? No one
5.Why did you apologise to the last person you did? Matey, because I didn't ride him last night
6.What does your 29th message in your inbox say? No idea I haven't tted anyone in like a week lol
7.Do you regret doing anything this week? Nope
8.What were you doing at 11pm last night? Mum and Sig
9.Was your last kiss a mistake? I can't remember my last kiss
10.If you could have anything right now, what would it be? The new season of One Tree Hill to start or money and a booking at my favourite tattoo palour
11.Do you believe in second chances? Depends
12.Why did you cry last? Last night because of stupid Ghost Whisperer lol
13.When was the last time you smiled? Like 2 minutes ago
14.Have you had more than one bf/gf in the past year? No
15.Have you ever got in a car with people you just met? I don't think so
16.What annoys you the most? Animal cruelty
17.Would you take someone back if they cheated on you? No way
18.Have you ever been in trouble with the police? Once but nothing serious
19.Have you ever worn pjs to school? Probably lol
20.What song are you currently listening to? Outta Here Esmee Denters
21.Do you swear at your parents? Yip when I'm really tired or pissed off
22.Do you know anyone who is pregnant? I know of someone
23.What is the nicest txt in your inbox? You can work at 3 tomorrow. Thats my only txt lol
24.Have you ever had an allergic reaction to anything? Yip
25.Did you kiss or hug anyone today? My animals
26.Have you ever thrown up because of alcohol? Nope
27.Have you kissed anyone in your top friends? Nope
28.How many people have you liked? Don't make me count
29.What time did you go to bed last night? 12:30
30.What time were you up this morning? 9:30
31.Have you met someone who has changed your life? Yip
32.List all your contacts under 'A' in your phone. Amy, Aunty Nat, Aunty Tracey, Austin
33.Have you ever had a rumour spread about you? Don't think so
34.Are you keeping a secret from the world that could destroy a friendship? Nope
35.Have you ever betrayed a friend? No
36.Have you ever been grounded? What for? Mum always used to say I was grounded when I was younger but it never lasted and I haven't been grounded since I was 10 lol
37.What means the most to you in the whole entire world? My family, friends, my animals, my horses
38.Will you have a bf/gf in two months time? No
39.Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Yes, once, one puff, disgusting. It made me sick
40.Have you ever been caught 'doing something? Huh?
41.Do you think alot of people think bad things about you? I hope not
42.Have you ever snuck out? Only to the stables
43.Have you ever dated someone twice? No
44.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Mum
45.Name something really bad that happened last year. Dad leaving again
46.Is this year going to be a good one? So far it has been

How to Shower Like a Woman:

Get in shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural
avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Shower Power.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.

How to Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
Leave in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound.
Look at manly physique in the mirror. Admire size of your knob and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
Shampoo hair. Make shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry-off.
Fail to notice water on floor.
Admire knob size in mirror again.
Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

Dear Sam

I ____ you.

You have a nice______.

You make me _______.

You should _______.

Someday I will ______.

You + me =_______.

If I saw you now I'd __________.

I want to_______ you.

I would build a _______ just for you.

If I could sing you any song it would be _________.

We could ______under the stars.

Love,
_______________

(P.S. ______________.)