Please God.
I still love him.
But I don't want to love him anymore.
Please God.
Help me to forget.
I don't want to hurt anymore.
I want to forget.

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I fill with emotion,
I’m full of pain,
I couldn’t help it,
Yet myself I still blame

So I punish myself,
I retreat inwards,
And push him away,
Feeling that he deserves,
Someone who can live with themselves.

Not a day goes by,
That I don’t think about what happened,
Not a second passes,
That I don’t feel guilty.
Not a moment happens,
That I don’t blame myself.

You might not have been the best thing,
You may have changed my future,
But I never got to know,
I never got a chance.

Perhaps you felt me ignoring your existence,
Perhaps you felt rejected by me,
Perhaps you felt I couldn’t look after you,
Perhaps you felt I’d be a terrible mother.

But that’s just it;
It’s all ‘perhaps’ and ‘maybe’
I don’t know what happened
And I guess I’ll never will.

I still feel guilty for the miscarriage of my baby, I feel that because I never accepted thatI was pregnant that some how I'm to blame.
My bf's terrified as I'm really depressed at the moment and as he's now 300 miles away ar military college, he feels he can't support me enough.
I was 3 months pregnant and I honestly think I would have kept the baby.
Only my bf knows this happened and even he doesn't know how guilty I feel about it or that this is the reason I'm depressed and why I don't want to be here anymore.

i love you.