I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

she invented a silent car alarm.

that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

she lost her shadow.

she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

You Momma so Stupid that they even make Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags she can understand




Anything Yo's - So Damn Stupid...
Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!

Yo Postman so stupid that on his recorded delivery form where it says 'Don't write below dotted line', he puts 'OK'

Yo teacher so stupid she booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.

Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody in the department solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout...

Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene was another golf course.

Your Kid Sister so damn stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a Hot Dog.

Yo' Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her period.

Yo Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler

Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone company.

Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.

Your kid bro so stupid he try to strangle himself with his mobile phone.

Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis....Phil Collins old band...

Your Kid sister so damn stupid she stands up on an empty School bus.

Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb...it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama

Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps

You cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage...so he moved house...

Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to Disneyworld, saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so drove home.

Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.

Yo' accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.

Your Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy's with magnets

Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest

Yo Archeology Professor so damn stupid they have to dig for her IQ!

Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes at Stupid College.

Yo' Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo Sister's so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone.

Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him a haircut

Your Big Sister so god awfully stupid that they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 3rd

You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one...

Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.

You're about as good lookin as a cross between the Elephant Man and a Pitbull Terrier..

You! Off my planet!

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?

Whilst every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!

You're the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.

I'd like to leave you with one thought...unfortunately I ain't sure you have anywhere to put it!

Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a Banana?

When you were born, did they let your Mother out of her cell?

You're so bent you make roundabouts look straight!

I've seen better hands on a leper!

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

You've got more chins than a Chinese phone book!

I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

You're a habit I'd like to kick -- with both feet.

So now we know why some mammals eat their children...

As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition

She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head

She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner

About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.

He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers

She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!

He's tighter than a photo finish.

He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt

He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.

He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.

He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.

Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.

As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat

It's colder than a penguin's bollocks

She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging

You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier

She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

As rare as a Blonde virgin

I've seen more hair on a billiard ball

He's as camp as a row of tents

I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box

They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up

As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium

You could park a bike on that bum

He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank

He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure

Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers

About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.

They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump