how to keep ur woman on her toes!!!!

1.when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.
11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.


15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

1- "Use" a toilet on display in a plumbers shop - complain vigorously about the lack of paper and privacy, Ask why the flush doesn't work.
2- Return to the shop a few minutes later and say "well - I know they want to make it realistic - but that shit looks a tad too real for me"
3- On public transport - when leaving your seat - grab the woman on the seat in front's breast - when she is expecting an apology for your clumsiness say "oooh - nice hooters" and honk the other one...
4- Bring some empty sweet papers to "rustle" during the quiet bit of a film...
5- Cross the road in front of a car, change your mind 3/4 of the way over and turn back. (Particularly good if the driver has honked his horn or shown signs of impatience).
6- Knock some magazines off the shelf in a newsagent and blame it on some children who are in the store - this works best if you know the owner of the shop is a bit of a bastard with kids!
7- If you are in a shop and a child is being told he can't have any chocolate, secretly put a bar (or several) in the trolley and wait for the argument at the checkout counter.
8- Spend the day in a hi-fi store listening to cd's on various systems and then say "thanks for the fun" and leave without making a purchase.
9 - Bring some fresh cream along to a "pick your own" fruit farm - have lunch there. Return to the "weighing" place with cream over your mouth and empty fruit bowls.
10- When the hairdresser shows you your haircut in the mirror and asks if it's ok - say no and demand a full refund.
11- Recite crossword clues out (very) loud in public, complain if anyone offers advice on the answers.
12- Play a noisy puzzle / electronic game in a library.
13- Follow the suggestions made on a list like this.
14- In a posh restaurant - try to persuade all the diners to take part in a group purity test.
15- Sing songs out of tune and with incorrect lyrics (preferably accompanying a loud walkman).