Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

Man: "Hello"
Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
Man: "Yes"
Woman: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it?”
Man: "A grand, sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models, I saw one I really liked."
Man: "How much?"
Woman: $90,000."
Man: "Okay but for $90,000, I want it with all the options."
Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... the house I wanted last year is back on the market - they're asking $950,000."
Man: 'Well, go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. I not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is clearly a pretty good price."
Woman: "Okay I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
Man: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard
night drinking and thought?"How on earth did I get home?" As hard as
you try,you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter. The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkeness and the
"slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter.The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This answers the second question after a night out, "How did I spend so much money?"
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your head.
An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell
happened?" With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add-on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most.Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often lost time is regained in discussion over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers
picked from other people's gardens and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260
Marlboro LIghts in a single night.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperature, wearing just a t-shirt

1. "Where the Fuck is all the water comming from ??"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS
Titanic, 1912

2. "What the Fuck was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

3. "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?"
-- Custer, 1877

4. "Any fucking idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938

5. "How the Fuck did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC

6. "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566

7. "Where the fuck are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937

8. "Scattered fucking showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC

9. "Aw c'mon. Who the Fuck is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1998

10."Geez, I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad."
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003