as you may be aware the olympics are soon going to be apon us, but what you may not be aware is that me and martin are going to be competeing. were are competing in the bedroom sports. my personal ones are HAND TO GLAND COMBAT and wardrobe diving.

Martins is 100m muff dive and the hundrd person naked leap frog.( i guess he want jump to high on that one lol)

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thanks from the scottish bedroom athletes

When Steven Taylor does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

When Santa Claus asked Steven Taylor what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Steven Taylor and gets away with it.

Steven Taylor once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Steven Taylor could use to kill you - including the room itself.

Steven Taylor once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Steven Taylor, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Steven Taylor grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Steven Taylor once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.

Steven Taylor played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Steven Taylor puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

The city of London once named a street after Steven Taylor in gratitude for being such a great man. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Steven Taylor and lives.

Steven Taylor could strangle you with a cordless phone.

Steven Taylor died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Steven Taylor once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either


Steven Taylor doesn't mark players, he permanently stamps them.

Steven Taylor once turned up for training late - Big Sam fined the rest of the team for being early.

Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Steven Taylor see the glass as a deadly weapon.

Steven Taylor can slam revolving doors.

The 'big bang' was a Steven Taylor tackle.

Steven Taylor would have built Rome in a day

Steven Taylor once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Shay Given about schematics.

Red Cards were invented to keep Steven Taylor out of jail

If Steven Taylor had been a Spartan the movie "300" would have been called "1".

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Steven Taylor says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.