No? Fuck it. Me neither. There's hardly a point is there? I mean, really. You'll be dead long enough and you can wonder then. When you're dead like. Well, maybe you wont be able to wonder then, but at that point it's not really going to matter is it. Doesn't seem likely at any rate.

It's a fucking waste of time when you think about it. I mean, I used to wonder, and it troubled me and all, but no i don't bother anymore. Kind of makes you think really...

No? Ya. You're right. Sure there's no point in that either. Sure, what would you be doing thinking anyway? I met loads of fellas who spent ages thinking. Went fuckin mad most of them. And the ones that stayed sane always preferred it when they weren't thinking. It'll only do stuff to your head. Plenty of time for that down the road eh?

It's a bit mad really isn't it? Hmm? No? You're right actually. It's not mad at all. How things are supposed to be when you get right down to it. We're part monkey you know. Do you think the monkey is wondering or thinking when he's eating his banana and throwing his shit at people? He certainly is not. He's just having a laugh. And if that doesn't prove that it's not mad at all, and is, in fact, completely normal, then I don't know what will.

It'd bother you from time to time though wouldn't it? Really? Not at all? That's the right way to have it. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, but when you stop and look at it really, there's not a whole pile that I can do about it, not without coming off all weird like. So I guess it's pointless being bothered like. From now on, i'm going to be more like you, and give the old bothering a miss.

Tough enough at times right? WHAT? No? Jesus... fair play to you. Not tough at all? That's the way you want it. I firmly believe that they want to make it tough on you. Tough as they can anyway. See what kind of stuff you're made of. But i used to think that when I wondered, and thought and bothered. S'pose I still do a bit. Be lying if i said it wasn't tough. Stings a little like.

You know what I mean? You do? Good.

Delighted.

I went home to visit the family not so long ago (I do that from time to time, it means I get to eat their food) and I enjoyed the benefits of an hour or so with the telly box and not a Delegate in sight. For a finish I kinda wish they had been there. It would have been interesting for them. Ever watch Rules of Engagement? No? It's okay. It would be a terrible show except for the guy who does the voice of Joe Swanson in Family Guy (big guy in a wheelchair) is hilarious. He talked about Guy Code. The unwritten and rarely spoken of rules between men. Example: If you've known a man for more than 1 hour, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you marry her, in which case it's okay.

I don't know why, but i get the feeling that most women will never acknowledge the relevance or even existence of Guy Code. I believe that it is the policy of the Women United Against Man Bastards Ltd to ignore any such "code" or it's relevance in anything larger than the allocation of pizza slices. That's just not true though. Guy Code plays a bigger part than most people realise.

Example One: On a night out, a woman will actively discourage a female friend from swapping saliva (or any other bodily fliud for that matter) with a man who she doesn't trust/like/thinks his shirt hasn't been ironed/or believes is sleazy. She'll start with the opening shots in any woman's arsenal - "The Look". You know the one. Slightly bored, highly disdainful and looking vaguely like she might gag if her target keeps talking (you see, I've been on the end of that one). "The Look" is potent. It's discouraging for any man. It goes on from there, and ends up with the lady actively dragging her friend away from the man bastard.

Here's where Guy Code Operates: If you're a man and you actively prevent another man from having sex, then every man within five miles is now permitted to kick you in the nuts. Cock-Blocking is simply not tolerated.

There are exceptions: Ex girldfirends and sisters being the prominent ones, but other than that, it is the solemn duty of any man to do his damndest to help another man to score.

Example Two: Women will give out about men. Men will give out about women. Women will give out about women... It's kind of taboo for men to give out about men. If they do so, you can be sure that it wont be in the company of women. On top of that, the discussion of so-called "feelings" between men is strictly prohibited. In fact, proof that men even have feelings hasn't been established beyond reasonable doubt. Conversational topics are therfor limited and extended comfortable silences are not only allowed but are considered healthy among men. It's Guy Code folks... it's not often wirtten and there's no definitive rule-book, but it's definitely there....

P.S. I'm sure I'm leaving out some of the rules. Feel free to add any you can think of.

There was once a time when men were men, and women couldn't vote, and hospitals were crap, and you could expect to be dead by the time you hit forty... (Imagine a mid-life crisis at the age of 20?)

Then Bob Dylan arrived and told us that the times, they are a changing... Then the times changed, and Bob Dylan said "I told you so..." And they changed for the better too really. Not all the way for the better, but they're mostly better than they were before. Significantly though, facial hair has changed. It's not cool anymore. For a while some types of facial hair hung on in there - defying the critics and the fashionistas and popular culture in general. And when the right people tried it - god damn did they make it look cool... Burt Reynolds? Classic!! Tom Selleck? When he was in "Friends" he looked more manly than David Schwimmer, Matt Perry and Matt Le Blanc put together. What about Hulk Hogan? Genius moustache.

Then there was the classic beards. On the right face it could be a symbol of wisdom or equally a symbol of manliness. A statement of intent. A declaration to the world: "I wear a beard. You aint got nothing on me". Santa - nothing without his snowy locks. Che Guevara - bearded and revolutionary. Cmdr William T Riker - babyfaced, he wasa nobody, but with the beard.... Macho Man Randy Savage... alright, some of them were dodgy. But once upon a time a beard was a majestic and honourable adornment for a face.

I was beboing a friend today (Hi T!!) and I observed that, like smoking indoors, beards are simply not socially acceptable anymore. Now beards are for homeless people, and lazy people, and hippies and tragically depressed singer songwriter types and Santa's the only person left wo can really pull it off. Even Jesus is struggling to maintain dignity.... I bet he's shaved his off by now anyway.

For a while I tried to hold back the tide. I raged against the razor and battled against the blade, but eventually I conceded. Movemeber was a worthy movement to raise badly needed funds for men's cancer research, and I'm looking forward to next year rolling round again, but until then, I'm searching for a new hero. A new beardy or 80's throwback to put all my affection behind. I'm looking for a banner for facial hair that will unite society behind the idea that it's okay to wear your hair...

I wont hold my breath though...




P.S. If you want to add any names of former facial haired heroes or even current members, feel free. Just add a comment.