1.Homer: D’oh.

2.Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.

3.Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”

4.Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

5.Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!

6.Comic Book Guy: The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…

7.Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

8.Ned Flanders: I’ve done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!

9.Comic Book Guy: Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.

10.Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.

11.Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.

12.Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

13.Nelson: Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!

14.Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

15.Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”

16.Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

17.Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.

18.Homer: Save me, Jeebus.

19.Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.

20.Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

21.Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

22.Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?

23.Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

24.Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

25.Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

26.Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!

27.Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

28.Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, just about everything’s a sin. [holds up a Bible] Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.

29.Homer: You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.

30.Smithers: Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.”

31.Hans Moleman: I was saying “Boo-urns.”

32.Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

33.Homer: Here’s to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life’s problems.

34.Homer: When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!

35.Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.

36.Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember

SMELL CAT
Smelly cat, smelly cat
what are they feeding you?
smelly cat, smelly cat
it's not your fault

they wont take you to the vet
you're obviously not their favourite pet
you may not be a bed of roses
and your no friend of those with noses

smelly cat,smelly cat
what are they feeding you
smelly cat, smelly cat
it's not your fault!


THE SHOWER SONG
I'm in the shower and i'm writing a song
stop me if you've heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And Tegrin spelt backwards is Nirget

(chorus)
lather,rinse,repeat
and lather ,rinse, repeat
and lather,rinse,repeat
as needed


WEDDING SONG
When I first met Chandler I thought he was gay. But here I am singing on his wedding day..

Monica: Pheobe you can't sing that at the wedding!
Pheobe: Well you didnt let me finish. It goes on to say he's probably not gay!


PREGNANCY SONG
are you in there little foetus?
in nine months will you come greet us?
i will buy you some Adidas