Some Say:
He drinks a lot of petrol
He sucks the moisture from ducks.
He was born in space.
He never blinks.
He roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.
He sleeps upside down like a bat.
His sweat can be used to clean precious metals.
His skin has the texture of dolphins.
If you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts.
He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down (a reference to the The Matrix).
He is scared of bells.
He once punched a horse to the ground.
His politics are terrifying.
He lives in a tree.
He likes DragonBoarder.
He was raised by wolves.
He appears on high-value stamps in Sweden.
His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant.
He has no understanding of clouds.
His earwax tastes like Turkish Delight.
He is confused by stairs.
He naturally faces magnetic north.
He is illegal in 17 U.S. states.
His heart ticks like a watch.
All his legs are hydraulic.
He can "accumbularate".
He appears on Japanese banknotes.
There's an airport in Russia named after him.
He is wanted by the CIA.
His breath smells of magnesium.
He can catch fish with his tongue.
His tears are adhesive.
If set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days.
He is terrified of ducks.
His voice can only be heard by cats.
He has two sets of knees.
He can swim seven lengths underwater.
He has webbed buttocks.
He can melt concrete on contact.
He is more machine than man. (a reference to Darth Vader).
His heart is in upside down.
His teeth glow in the dark.
His favorite food is raw meat.
He has no age.
He urinates 98 RON petrol (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
He can smell corners (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
He blinks this way. (Clarkson closing his thumb and forefinger on both held-up hands -- a reference to Men in Black)
He has acid for blood. (a reference to the Alien).
Jimmy Carter wants him dead.
He has a bionic arm.
He has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh.
He is stumped by clouds.
He has no fear.
His ears aren't exactly where you would expect them to be.
He once, "preposterously", had an affair with John Prescott (referring to Prescott's recent admission that he had had an affair with one of his secretaries).
He has a digital face.
If he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar. (a reference to the UK version of The Apprentice, featuring the aforementioned head honcho of Amstrad in the Donald Trump role)
He has named every single blade of grass surrounding the Top Gear test track.
His genitals are on upside down.
If he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds.
His ears have a paisley lining.
He is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.
The outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring.
If given an important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet (Supposed reference to John Prescott May 2006)
He invented Branston Pickle.
If you insult his mother, he will headbutt you in the chest.
On really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake.
For some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch.
His fingernails have 330bhp.
His tongue can strip the paint off a Porsche in 30 seconds.
His first name really is "The".
If he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant, including the cameramen
His helmet is modelled on Briney Spears's head
He once threw a microwave oven at a tramp.
If you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as picalilly.
All we no is that he's called thee stig!!

Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of Dec! Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bike, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades and a football uniform.
I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I first, I had the best grades in the school. I’m not going to lie to you; there was no one in my entire neighbourhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbours I would go on errands and even helped the elderly cross the road. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity!!!!
What sort of balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a poxy whistle and a pair of fucking socks? What the fuck were you thinking, you fat fucking son of a bitch? That you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with this fucking shit that I found under the tree!
As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little prick across the road with so many toys; he can't even walk into his house! The little cunt didn't know what to play with first; I soon fixed that for the little fucking faggot....
Please don't let me see you trying to get your big fat fucking arse down my chimney next year, I'll fuck you up! I’ll stick the biggest pitchfork I can find up your fat fucking anal canal, I'll throw rocks at your fucking reindeers and scare them away to fuck. Then you can walk home, ye bollix. Just like I have to walk since I didn't get the fucking bike I asked for!!

Fuck you Santa,

Little Johnny.