Two of the greatest forces in the universe, Chuck Norris' beard and Mr. T's pity once met. The result of this catastrophic mix of pure pity and pure beard was what is commonly referred to as the "Big Bang

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one April fools Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult

People say god made the earth in 7 days, thats because Chuck Norris needed a new home in a week and held him hostage untill it was ready

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris is so good at math he counted to infinity twice.
Chuck Norris challenged lance armstrong to a testical comptetion Chuck Norris won by 5.
They say Chuck Norris is so tough he has no chin under his beard, just another fist.

Ozzy Osbourne
Black Label Society
Kid Rock
Razerlight
The D.C comics
Bon Jovi
Nickleback
Chainsaw
Metalica
Tenicous D
Sweet Savage
Acid tonne

an probly more

1. wats ur name:

2. how do u no me:

3. how well do u no me:

4. when did ya first meet me:

5. wat did ya first think of me:

6. how much do ya like me:

7. have u ever went with me:

8. have u ever fuckd me:

9. have u ever went steady with me:

10. do ya think am a rockstar:

11. have u heard me perform:

12. have u ever seen me runnin across the top of a cop car:

13. do ya think am a rebel r a nut:

14. do ya think il end up in jail:

15. y do ya think that:

16. do ya think am a junkie:

17. r u a junkie dog:

18. o aye R U STRAIT OR R U GAY:

19. if ur gay fuck off ye fruity ballz basturd:

20. if uv got anything else ta say ,den say it nw