Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will

Are you tired of all those namby, pamby, girly, sissy, completely wet "friendship" poems, that never come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1 . When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you've finally had sex.

4. When you are scared - I will tease the crap out of you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to stop your bloody whining.

6 . When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy arse.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help
you move a body.

Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel!

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SO TRUE
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have
a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy
ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.

1 The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half
way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

2 No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has
had their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece
of wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad