Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.
When driving in his SUV, Chuck Norris always swerves out of the way if a squirrel is in the road. Not because he finds their antics amusing, but because it gives him a chance to run over pedestrians.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks

S- Easy to fall in love with.
T- Your loyal to those you love.
E- Your a damn good kisser.
V- Your not judgemental.
E- Your a damn good kisser.
N- You are Beautiful.


A- You like to Drink.
B- You like people.
C- You're wild and crazy.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.
E- Your a damn good kisser.
F- People adore you.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
I- You have a fine ass.
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You are really silly.
L- You live to have fun.
M- Success comes easily to you.
N- You are Beautiful.
O- You are one of the best in bed.
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- Fuckin sexy.
S- Easy to fall in love with.
T- Your loyal to those you love.
U- You really like to chill.
V- Your not judgemental.
W- You are very broad minded.
X- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y- One of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ask for.
Z- Always ready

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Ask people if they want to see your ass.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.

1 Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
"Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announces, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"